"Middlers"

Preteen. Prepubescent. Preadolescent. All these "pre's" sound like something to wait out until the "real" stuff happens. ....Teen.... Puberty.... Adolescent. Definitely not so. Experts have found that this mid-teen phase entails changes as dramatic and significant as the toddler years and presents opportunities (or lost chances) for a child's success in school, relationships and life.

This new phase makes parents anxious. Saving a 12 -year -old from danger is not as easy as catching a toddler before a tumble down the stairs. Wiping tears away and a bedtime story no longer results in smiles and "warm fuzzies." We can't hover over our ten- to - fifteen year olds. For the most part they are on their own, traveling to and from school, time at the mall or movies, at sports and extra curricular activities, and unsupervised at other homes and other places. Parents can't always protect them and sometimes he or she even has to suffer consequences. Crossing fingers and toes, we hope for a good outcome. One, that the consequences won't be too severe and two, that something valuable is learned from the experience.

Losing control is never easy and losing control over someone you love, someone you know still needs your life experience and guidance, is downright chilling. For some reason, as things get rocky, sometimes the inclination is for parents to withdraw and recede into the background. The Roller Coaster Years by Charlene Gianntti offers the following statements explaining why some pre-teen parents choose to get out of the way.

Young children need parents more than older ones do.
Young adolescents just need to be left alone in order to become more indepedent.
My child has a personal life now and it doesn't include me.
Ten to fifteen year olds care more about what their peers think than what their parents think.

For the record, all these perceptions are wrong. Young adolescents need more, not less, from parents. Children in this age group care what parents think, far and above what anyone else thinks. These young people are walking contradictions and the greatest inconsistency involves their parents. "Young adolescents are a dichotomy," admits Ross Burkhardt, past president of the National Middle School Association. "Mom and Dad are extremely important, even though they don't want to admit it. This can be confusing for parents. A Leave me alone may mean, "I need more privacy than you are giving me but don't go to far. I'll need you later."

Experts contend that parenting is no less important as a child grows beyond ten. The fact is that hands-on parenting makes or breaks the future of young adolescents. The Carnegie Council points out, "Studies show that although young adolescents crave and require adult support and guidance as they struggle toward independence. Alarmingly, it is during the period ages ten through fourteen when these essential requirements are less likely to be met." Carnegie warns, "If the nation continues to neglect this age group, millions of our young will become lifelong casualties."

With pre-and early teens, parents have a golden opportunity to play an active part in their children's lives. Nickelodeon TV polled "middlers". What follows sums up supports the consensus that younger teens need their parents more than ever.
* Ninety-three percent of nine to eleven year olds consider being part of a loving family to be much more important than owning material things. A surprising response from our supposed "material" boys and girls.
* Eighty-eight percent credit family as their greatest source of self-esteem.
*Among student ranging from ten to thirteen, 72 percent wanted to talk to their parents more about school work.

A child that feels he or she is their parent's primary focus gains confidence and self esteem. Parents who have this strong relationship continue to serve as a guide in terms of discipline and emotional support. Putting in the hours with our "middler" insures that a parent is a prized possession, a source of positive self image, a tutor, and nicest of all, a guiding light.

##################################