Are They Listening?

Ten Things Teens Should Know to Communicate Effectively

1. What a firm handshake and eye contact is.

2. Talking like a rapper will scare people.

3. It is impossible to learn anything while talking.

4. "Whatever" isn't a sentence. It is evidence of a fragile mind.

5. Know how to carry on a conversation without using profanity.

6. Refrain from sending e-mail or posting on Facebook something in the heat of the moment. The repercussions can be life altering.

7. Telling the truth dramatically limits one's chances of being humiliated, fired or sued.

8. If you listen more than you talk, you will be known as a good conversationalist.

9. Know how to defend a position with logic, facts and prior preparation. Yelling and swearing does not support your argument.

10. Self-discipline is the key to solving life's problems.

Harry Harrison Jr.

If you can talk your teen into it- taking Speech in high school is an effective way to learn communication skills. A speech class teaches organization of ideas, support of arguments, public speaking, logic, and body language. It is no longer a popular class but kids are missing a bet by not taking Speech or Debate. It gets students ready for college and teaches life skills to boot. Investigate what is offered in your school system. chrissie

Structure and Boundaries-Oh My

I am always searching for good insight from professionals in the field of tween and teen relationships. Happened on this in the latest edition of "Tulsa Kids" by Claudia Arthell, ACSW, LCSW.

Definition of parenting that provides the essential needs for children.

We know they need:

* Warmth, shown by caring, responsiveness and acceptance (of who they are, not always what they do.)

* Monitoring of their activities and whereabouts, more at certain times than others.

* Good, solid discipline, often referred to as logical consequences, other times referred to as authoritative discipline: Setting age appropriate and clear limits, rules and expectations; firm, not aggressive, discipline that is consistent.

* A parent who can listen and talk, help with projects and homework, attend events and support endeavors.

Our children need good relationships with their parents, parental warmth and sibling support. Building trust and respect now will insure a less rocky transition as your child transforms to a tween, a teen and a young adult. Healthy parenting takes a plan, a method and lots of patience. Clear boundaries and defined structure - Love your child enough to make the positive changes to bring consistency and calm to your home. chrissie

They're Back!

Is your teenager driving you crazy? Is all that angst, all those raging hormones, all that fighting for independence-making your home a battleground? Do you stare across the dinner table, dreaming of the day that doors don't slam, rooms stay clean and peace descends on your family once again? Dreaming of the day-your teen heads to college.

I read something sobering this weekend. In the United States today, over 50% of grown children will return to their childhood home within 5-6 years. And stay for a while.

That may leave you wondering, late at night....."Dear Lord, we didn't cover everything. They could be back by Thursday."

You frantically call your college -age children to remind them of the million things they don't remember you teaching them, Unfortunately, they are partying the night away, celebrating being liberated from their parents.

Well, all is not lost. Just remember, the time to start preparing children for adulthood is while they are still young. The alternative is a thirty-year-old teenager losing the remote control, leaving their wet towels on the floor and staying out past their curfew.

I happened upon a clever list. It outlines things teens should know before they leave home. What follows are some of the best ones.

1. They should know life is sometimes difficult so they won't get discouraged and move home.

2. They should know they now pay the bills.

3.They should know the lifestyle they enjoyed growing up is not waiting for them, just because they graduated from college.

4. They should know that if a friend's possessions make them feel bad about themselves, they should find new friends.

5. They should know the difference between washing a Lexus or owning one is education.

6. They should know to seek the advice of a mentor, not unemployed club friends.

7. They should know that if getting a good job was easy, everyone would have one.

8. They should know that self discipline is the key to solving life's problems.

9. They should know victims are never happy.

10. They should know life's challenges make us stronger, better, healthier, more spiritual and more grateful human beings.

Summer's flying by. Enjoy it with those you love. chrissie

A Personal Note

Hope all had a Grand 4th of July. I have spent my 4th at the exact same location for 48 years. That was kind of hard to type. 48 years! It is hard to imagine so many years have passed but the content of those years is what's important.

There's an excited 6 year old, waiting for her Dad to light her sparkler. I next see a snapshot of a buck teethed, bird- legged girl running madly, a Black Cat firecracker spewing sparks behind her. Another year? Chief, my wonder horse is prominent in this 4th of July parade, and we all ride our horses, decorated with red, white and blue pom-poms, made by our Mother's.

Years pass. There's a group of young girls, perfectly coiffed, standing apart and watching the festivities. Actually, out of the corners of our mascara rimmed eyes, watching the boys we're growing up with...... now much more interesting. Flash forward. Another 4th and we all return, this time in college t-shirts, regrouping and reconnecting.

We proudly share our newest loves to meet everyone and join in the festivities. Many come and go but eventually, each of us introduces the one we will marry. They too find themselves dressing like madmen, marching in a parade without spectators, to music no one can hear.

Babies come. Babies grow. Now the photographs have different faces, but amazingly, in this place, nothing ever changes. There is comfort that here, things stay the same. In a changing world, often turbulent and frightening, it is comforting and affirming to celebrate an event in the same way with people you love. We are proud to be Americans and recognize our blessings every time we gather for the 4th. We are proud to be Oklahomans and celebrate how good our state has been to us as we catch up at the river.

It is not so hard to watch the years pass when you do it with people you love. As I gathered once again with my family, and the friends I have known for ever, looking back was a pleasure and a gift. And looking forward isn't so bad either!!! chrissie