The Night Before Christmas

Christmas Eve.  The presents are wrapped and under the tree.  The table is set with holiday china and crystal that catches the sunlight as it comes in through the window.  The fire is laid, the stockings are hung, the wine is chilled. It's nice to be organized and ready, I guess........................

But there is a certain part of me that misses Christmas past.  Frantic last minute shopping trips to help Santa with a unidentified and here -to -newly named item on a six year old's list.  Counters of decorated cookies with sprinkles and icing globs found upstairs and three rooms away.  Christmas programs and last minute costumes,  unwilling shepherds and over-eager angels.  Staying up late to wrap unobserved and getting up early with one who ate too much fudge the night before. Putting complicated toys together Christmas Eve, so tired you were cross-eyed.   Driving four children in four different directions-all at the same time.  I never knew how much I would miss the rides.

Later, when my children were older, Christmas meant, out of school.  The door slamming, the fridge opening, the phones ringing.  Kids sleeping late, out on four wheelers, sleeping over.  The joy of no routine and no agenda. Christmas break was grand.

Now I have the time to polish silver that belonged to my Grandmother.  I can try a complicated recipe that takes both time and practice.  I can write actual messages on my Christmas cards and truly wrap packages with wrapping paper, tape and bows- no dropping in the oh -so- quick sacks.  If I wanted to I could gild oranges in gold and silver, needlepoint tree skirts with my own design and shoot, even plant my own Christmas trees.  How very Martha Stewart of me.

Yeah. Right.  No matter what, there never seems to be enough time, getting ready for Christmas.  Its just how we get ready that changes.  Tis  the Season.  Merry Christmas!  chrissie

Checking it Twice!!!

 

 

 

Stuck for teen Christmas gift ideas  and it's coming down to the wire?  Here are some great quick and easy ideas that should please your 13+ somethings.

1. Junk Food

The grocery store is open and chocolate and gum are always welcome. This is also a great idea if your teen got a big gift that broke the budget but you need to fill the stocking as Christmas candy is always on sale the week before Christmas.

 

2. Gas Card

If your teen drives, this is an awesome idea. With gas prices going through the roof, a teenager needs all the extra money for gas he/she can get.

3. Free Movie Rental

Pick up a card at the local video store or get a subscription at NetFlix.com for a year.

4. Magazine Subscription

Simply go to the nearest pharmacy and pick up a copy a magazine you think your teen your teen will enjoy and send in the subscription card that is located in the folds of its pages. Then write out on a Christmas card that the subscription should start in a month, until then enjoy this copy.

5. Music

Gift certificates at iTunes.com or at the local CD store will be greatly appreciated. Music is the way to many teens’ hearts.

6. Money

Everyone likes money, and here are a few suggestions on how to give it.

7. Amazon Gift Card

Anything a teen could want is at Amazon - books, makeup, video games, you name it. Gift cards are easy to purchase right on the site. You can go high-tech and emailed the gift certificate code right to the teen.

8. Restaurant Gift Certificate

Where is the local hang out? For my teens it was a diner in the center of town. Go there and get a gift certificate that your teen can use the next time he/she goes with his/her friends.

 

9. Free Car Wash Certificate

Does your teen have his/her own car? A car wash certificate in the winter is a very thoughtful gift.

10. Movie Tickets

I’m always amazed at how much it costs to go to the movies. It is not a wonder that most teens prefer group dating – no one has the cash to pay for their date too! Sorry for the tangent, but if you get this for your teen be sure to include enough to take a friend..

 

The best thing about the above suggestions?  No gift wrapping!!!  chrissie

 

 

Plug in Your Teen

What will you be when you grow up?
 Is your teen on the track to a meaningful future? Are you finding out what a joy it can be to help make the most of how God has wired him or her?
Many of us want to help our teens dream big, fulfilling, God-honoring dreams. But how do we do that?
The first step is to understand the great experiment known as your teen. In all of human history, there's never been another person with your teen's exact mix of God-given personality, talents, interests and spiritual gifts. As the two of you get to know that unique wiring through self-tests like the ones in the book Wired by God, you'll start to see which kinds of dreams might make a good fit.

Your Teen's Basic Bent

Here are some questions you can use anytime to find out how your young person is wired.

• "What really drives you?"
• "What's the most fun you've ever had helping someone else?"
• "What dreams do you think God has given you?"
• "What can you do that most people can't?"
• "What ability would you most like to develop? Why?"
• "If  hired you for a summer job, what would you hope it would be? Why?""

Remember that your purpose is to listen and learn, to better understand and appreciate your teen's uniqueness. This is not the time for lectures and advice. Figuratively speaking, you need to have big ears and a small mouth, tough skin and a tender heart.
Another way to learn by questioning is to talk with others in your teen's life: teachers, youth group leaders, coaches, school counselors, Scout leaders, Sunday school teachers, parents of close friends. Ask what they've observed about your child's likes and dislikes, interests and passions, abilities and aptitudes.
Often these people will confirm your own observations. Sometimes, though, they'll describe a side of your teen that you hadn't noticed — or offer an insight you'd overlooked.

Last week we looked at Kanakuk's Joe White observations and advice about raising responsible and fulfilled children.   What follows is how to continue to plug into what makes your teen click.  Introspective thinking is not something a teen may naturally do.  Below is a simple process to help them identify passions and interests. Perhaps your child may even happen on their own destiny!  chrissie

 Your Teen's Interests and Passions

Here's a way to help your teen pinpoint his or her interests and natural abilities. It's based on "The Vision Quest," a tool developed by Tim Sanford, a counselor at Focus on the Family who works with a lot of young people.
Give your teen these instructions:
On a piece of paper, list the things you've done since the fourth grade. We're talking about academics, sports, social events, the arts, student government, hobbies, interaction with family and friends, personal adventures, youth activities, socials, special events, camps, worship, leadership, volunteer work, mission trips, "helping out," clubs, service projects, job duties, volunteer or assigned tasks, and chores.
You don't have to compile your whole list at once. Allow two or three weeks, adding to it as new memories come to mind. If you don't know whether to include something in the list, go ahead and put it down anyway.
Now give each activity a "positive" or a "negative" rating. How did it turn out? How did it affect you?
After several days, pull your worksheet out and think again about the events to which you gave a negative value. Look for patterns. For example, if events connected with mechanical things (fixing the car, building something, helping with props at the school play) consistently ended in disaster, you're probably not the mechanical type.
Now move to the positive side of the worksheet. Ask yourself the questions below as you look over those events. After evaluation, guide your child through examination and discussion.

• "Is there a pattern or anything these events have in common?"
• "Are some of the activities things I'd like to pursue more?"
• "How can I begin doing more of these kinds of activities?"
• "What kinds of qualities, talents, character traits and skills do these activities require?"
• "Do I have some of those qualities and traits?"
• "Are any circumstances or events missing from my worksheet? If so, what are they, and why might they be missing?"
• "Are there any activities I've never done before, but I'd like to try?"

Give Me Just a Little More TIme

Focus on the Family (http://www.focusonthefamily.com)  is a great resource for advise and practical guidance while you are raising your teen. Dr James Dobson founded the Christian based organzation over 30 years ago.  It's message is simply, raising our children is the most important event in our life. Their mission is simple.  Helping families thrive.

What follows is the first part of a series by Joe White.  Joe is director of the Kanakuk Camps in Branson, Missouri.  In the series, Joe stresses how crtitical it is to interact and share actual time with your teenager.  Actual time.  Now there's an interesting idea!!  chrissie

Walking the Walk

We parents of teens are called to leave our paths and get on theirs. Why? To be sure they aren't alone. To encourage them through the thickets and storms. To rejoice when there's something to rejoice about.

When we walk alongside our teens, we usually need to follow their rules. We're there to do what they want to do. We're choos­ing to actively participate in their world. It might mean joining a neighborhood softball team, or trying out for a community or church theater production, or shooting hoops every night after work, or chaperoning a field trip to a french fry factory.

The fun of doing something together can fill your scrapbook with pages of the best times of these all-too-brief child-raising years. Remember — the days can seem long, but the years are short.

Walking alongside happens when we step into our teens' shoes and see life from their perspective. We don't do it once a year; we do it often.

But where do you begin? How do you walk alongside a kid who may not even like the idea? We'll explore this throughout this article series.

Here are some good ways to discover how to walk alongside your son or daughter.
1. Find out what he loves to do. Then do it with him, rather than just cheering him on from the stands. Sometimes what he loves will be obvious, but sometimes it may surprise you both. That was the case with my son Brady, who wanted to be a basketball player. But the pressure of basketball was brutal. I saw potential for something else: music. That didn't come naturally for either my wife or me; she'd gotten kicked out of choir in sixth grade, and the same happened to me in my junior year of high school.
"Brady," I said, "look at those hands of yours. You've got the most beautiful fingers. I can see those on a keyboard. I can see them running up and down the frets of a guitar."
"Well, I'm not interested in music," he replied.
But by the time he was a college freshman, Brady wanted a guitar.
Today he's recording his third album, writing great lyrics and making beautiful music. He sings all over the country; we do youth crusades together. And if you think it's helped our relation­ship, you're right.
2. Make the most of summer. Walking alongside should happen all year, but the best season for growing with your teen is summer. Before school lets out, get a calendar and note how many days you have until fall classes begin. Find a block of time each day when you can put your priorities, work, hobbies, and worries aside and be there 100 percent for your teen. Plan together what you can do — fishing, camping, shopping, grilling, tennis, whatever your teen would enjoy.
3. Take a wild adventure together. Recently my wife took our grandson on a one-day canoe trip down the beautiful Buffalo River in northwest Arkansas. It was gorgeous, safe, and surprisingly inexpensive (canoes rented for just $20 a day). Another family I know hikes in the Rocky Mountains every year.
4. Ask what your teen has never done but would like to try. Go try it together. Learn something new. Go with an open mind and a sense of humor — like the lady who, when learning to ski, told everyone that the only rule for the day was to laugh whenever she fell. Look for classes in a foreign language, dance, art, computer software. Take piano or guitar lessons. Sign up for a sports clinic.
5. Serve the needy together. Homeless shelters, the Salvation Army, soup kitchens, food banks, convalescent homes, tutoring — the list of volunteer opportunities never gets shorter. One father-son duo did painting and simple repairs at a home for troubled teens, then painted playground equipment for a school in a poor neighborhood. My oldest daughter and I went on a one-week mission trip to Trinidad when she was 13, and it was the best thing we've ever done together. We found common goals, common ground, and made memories that helped us through the most difficult years of our relationship.
6. Find out what your teen dreads doing. Ask whether she wants your help with that PowerPoint project about bacteria or that awkward phone call to a friend whose sister just passed away. What kind of assistance does she want? Remember to follow her rules — for example, letting her be the boss about where things go when you help clean her room.
7. Walk alongside your teen spiritually. You can connect to your teen and connect your teen to God by praying and reading and memorizing Scripture with your teen daily.
Just 10 minutes a day can give your relationship an "eternal touch." School may get what's in the middle, but I was deter­mined to "bookend" my kids' days with a short devotion at the breakfast table and a Bible-and-prayer time before bed.
Three of my four kids really liked our twice-daily times together. I never forced my kids to be part of them; we only had those times when I was welcome. For the uninterested teen, I was like an old, faithful dog — ready in the corner, but not pushy. This old dog didn't jump on the reluctant child every time she came through the door, saying, "Let's talk, let's have a devotional." I was just available.
This should be "sanctuary time," a safe place in today's uncer­tain world. Don't use it for lecturing, criticism, or manipulating your teen with God's Word. With those ground rules, your teen can look forward to spending time with you.
My advice is to ditch the word "devotional," too. It's not Sun­day school; it's your set-apart time, your quiet time, your sanctuary.
8. Bring your teen into your world. When I ran errands, I'd invite one of my teens to come along. If I was speaking at a youth rally, there was a place for my kids on the team coordinating the event. When my teens came home from a party or a date, I invited them to "debrief" over a bowl of cereal with me.
9. Discover your teen's dreams. There's a dream inside every young person, as sure as there's a yolk inside every chicken's egg. Help your teen identify his strengths and work together toward realizing his dream. My book Wired by God is one tool that can help you do that. Guide your teen in setting his own goals; then investigate ways for him to gain skill and experience.
In our family, Courtney enjoyed gymnastics and volleyball; Brady was into guitar and basketball; Cooper liked weight train­ing and football; Jamie pursued cheerleading. I was the lucky guy who got to catch passes, spot flips, and cheer like crazy. Listening to saxophone practice and retrieving tens of thousands of basket­ball shots helped build foundations for friendships with my kids that I enjoy as an "old guy" today.
10. Remember that the relationship is everything. During those crazy teen years, my relationship with my kids was top priority. The media were telling them to have fun through sex, drugs and alcohol; peers were telling them that par­ents were no longer relevant. I wanted to earn a hearing by being the person my kids loved hanging out with the most.
No matter how you decide to walk alongside your teen, remember that it's not a chore. It's not a competition, either. The goal is to learn about your teen, to have fun, to encourage, to do some servant-hearted foot-washing.
Walking alongside your teen takes time. It may even start out as hard work. But before you know it, the process will be a joy — because you'll really enjoy this person you're coming to know.

Have Yourself a Merry.......

Deep Breath. Put the "To Do" List down. Relax. Remember Moms- it's our holiday too.

I let myself get into a twit over Thanksgiving this year. All the family had a wonderful time, which was the point, but I hardly remember the day. I called my daughter the a few days later and asked her, "Did I have gravy?" Well, I did but I have absolutely no recollection of making the roux, adding the stock or seasoning the gravy. Now, gravy is something that takes a little planning. Is it thickening? Is it lumpy? Does it need a little salt? Gravy was on the table, I just don't remember how. That is preoccupied with a capital P.

So, Christmas. Shopping. Baking. Decorating. Wrapping. Polishing. Cleaning. Traveling. If your house is where everyone comes, it is daunting. I have heard people say they aren't putting up a tree this year. Others who bring Christmas dinner home- baked, roasted and ready to put on the table. I say, it you can get away with it, more power to you! I guess, though it is more work, the traditions and the work that goes along with it is what means Christmas for many of us. Dragging out the scraggly Santa that Aunt Mary made, polishing the silver bells to hang on the wreath at the front door, cutting out endless cookies and children, now grandchildren,getting sprinkles everywhere-somehow that is Christmas for me.

I promised myself after Thanksgiving that I would approach Christmas with a clear head and common sense this year. Two good examples that support my objective. # 1 I put three boxes of Christmas decorations back on the shelf today.  More is not always better.  Careful editing helps keep it doable.  #2. I drove around the parking lot at Woodland Hills Mall yesterday and drove right back out again. There is nothing there that warrants the traffic and the crowds.,

Christmas is over is month away.  Prioritize and then,  prune what is not something wonderful or memorable. If a day of decorating Christmas cookies is what makes you happy, ice and sprinkle away.  If perfectly wrapped and ribboned gifrs is not something you enjoy, sack and bag.  Just remember, this is supposed to be fun!  chrissie 

Home Sweet Home

There is a phenomenon experienced by many pregnant women called nesting. When a mother-to-be gets close to her delivery date, she begins a frantic push to prepare for the arrival of her baby.  It seems only natural that there is a primal urge to prepare a safe and welcoming place for a child.  I am asserting that no matter what the age of said son or daughter, Mothers still work themselves into a frenzy before their children come home.

I have not been out of my pajamas for three days. I've been cooking all the favorite things that my children expect and appreciate when they come home.  More than just happy, I feel contented and peaceful.  Before the cooking, I was organizing and redoing rooms upstairs.  New bedding, washing windows, cleaning out closets. Finally parted with most of their remnants of high school-hung on to a tennis jacket here, a cheerleader uniform there. I planted pansies, raked leaves, laid fires-I just got ready, for my children to come home. Here. Home.

Babysat my grand babies last night.  They made the TV choices and we sat down to Toy Story III.  If you don't know the story, Woody and Company are losing their boy, Andy, who if off to college. I won't spoil the ending but anyone who has walked into an empty bedroom after a child first leaves for school will be crying with the toys.  I looked over at my husband and he was even misty.  The lesson in the end of the movie is that life is a cycle and it's best we accept the changes.   My addition to that is, why not celebrate the journey?

 

Mine don't live here all the time (I refuse to say "anymore")  but when they do come home, it will always  be the place they feel safe, they feel happy, they feel peaceful and they know they are loved. Home. 

 

Enjoy Thanksgiving everyone.  Christmas is soon enough.  Chrissie

As Easy as Pie

Last week we looked at some suggestions from the experts at the Mayo Clinic regarding raising our teens.  What follows is the second part of the discussion.  I think it is realistic and easy to follow.  Well, as easy as it gets raising a teenager! chrissie

Set limits

To encourage your teen to behave well, identify what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behavior at home, at school and elsewhere. As you establish appropriate rules, explain to your teen the behavior you expect as well as the consequences for complying and disobeying. When setting limits:

• Avoid ultimatums. Your teen may view an ultimatum as condescending and interpret it as a challenge.
• Be specific. Rather than telling your teen not to stay out late, set a specific curfew.
• Be concise. Keep your rules short and to the point.
• Put rules in writing. Use this technique to counter a selective memory.
• Be flexible. As your teen demonstrates more responsibility, grant him or her more freedom. If your teen shows poor judgment, impose more restrictions.
• Be prepared to explain your decisions. Your teen may be more likely to comply with a rule when he or she understands its purpose.
• Be reasonable. Avoid setting rules your teen can't possibly follow. A chronically messy teen may not be able to maintain a spotless bedroom overnight.

Not sure if you're setting reasonable limits? Talk to your teen, other parents and your teen's doctor. Whenever possible, give your teen a say in establishing the rules he or she is expected to follow.

Prioritize rules

While it's important to consistently enforce your rules, you can occasionally make exceptions when it comes to matters such as homework habits, TV watching and bedtime. Prioritizing rules will give you and your teen a chance to practice negotiating and compromising. Before negotiating with your teen, however, consider how far you're willing to bend. Don't negotiate when it comes to restrictions imposed for your teen's safety, such as substance abuse, sexual activity and reckless driving. Make sure your teen knows early on that you won't tolerate tobacco, alcohol or other drug use.

Enforce consequences

Enforcing consequences can be tough — but your teen needs you to be his or her parent, not a pal. Being too lenient may send the message that you don't take your teen's behavior seriously, while being too harsh can cause resentment. Consider these methods:

• Active ignoring. Tell your teen that you'll talk to him or her when the whining, sulking or yelling stops. Ignore your teen in the meantime.
• Scolding and disapproval. Make sure you reprimand your teen's behavior, not your teen. Avoid using a sarcastic, demeaning or disrespectful tone. Also, avoid reprimanding your teen in front of his or her friends.
• Imposing additional responsibilities. Assign your teen additional household tasks.
• Imposing additional restrictions. Take away a privilege or possession that's meaningful to your teen, such as computer time or a cell phone.
• Asking your teen to suggest a consequence. Your teen may have an easier time accepting a consequence if he or she played a role in deciding it.

Be consistent when you enforce limits. Whatever disciplinary tactic you choose, relate the consequences to the broken rule and deliver them immediately. Limit punishments to a few hours or days to make them most effective. Also, avoid punishing your teen when you're angry. Likewise, don't impose penalties you're not prepared to carry out — and punish only the guilty party, not other family members. Never use physical harm to discipline your teen.

Set a positive example

Remember, teens learn how to behave by watching their parents. Your actions generally speak louder than your words. Set a positive example and your teen will likely follow your lead.

It's Easy as 1,2,3

Good input is everywhere for raising our teens.  Below is help from the Mayo Clinic staff.  Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your teen and encourage responsible behavior. Use these parenting skills to deal with the challenges of raising a teen.

Show your love

One of the most important parenting skills needed for raising healthy teens involves positive attention. Spend time with your teen to remind him or her that you care. Listen to your teen when he or she talks, and respect your teen's feelings. Also, keep in mind that only reprimanding your teen and never giving him or her any justified praise can prove demoralizing. For every time you discipline or correct your teen, try to compliment him or her twice.
If your teen doesn't seem interested in bonding, keep trying. Regularly eating meals together may be a good way to stay connected to your teen. Better yet, invite your teen to prepare the meal with you. On days when you're having trouble connecting with your teen, consider each doing your own thing in the same space. Being near each other could lead to the start of a conversation. You might also encourage your teen to talk to other supportive adults, such as an uncle or older cousin, for guidance.

Minimize pressure

Don't pressure your teen to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your teen some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for teens to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their parents.
If your teen shows an interest in body art — such as tattoos and piercings — make sure he or she understands the health risks, such as skin infections, allergic reactions, and hepatitis B and C. Also talk about potential permanence or scarring.
As you allow your teen some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your teen and the kind of person he or she will become.

Encourage cybersafety

Get to know the technology your teen is using and the websites he or she visits. If possible, keep the computer in a common area in your home. Remind your teen to practice these basic safety rules:

• Don't share personal information online.
• Don't share passwords.
• Don't get together with someone you meet online.
• Don't send anything in a message you wouldn't say face to face.
• Don't text or chat on the phone while driving.
• Don't plagiarize.
• Talk to a parent or trusted adult if an interaction or message makes you uncomfortable.

Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your teen and encourage responsible behavior. Use these parenting skills to deal with the challenges of raising a teen.

Show your love

One of the most important parenting skills needed for raising healthy teens involves positive attention. Spend time with your teen to remind him or her that you care. Listen to your teen when he or she talks, and respect your teen's feelings. Also, keep in mind that only reprimanding your teen and never giving him or her any justified praise can prove demoralizing. For every time you discipline or correct your teen, try to compliment him or her twice.
If your teen doesn't seem interested in bonding, keep trying. Regularly eating meals together may be a good way to stay connected to your teen. Better yet, invite your teen to prepare the meal with you. On days when you're having trouble connecting with your teen, consider each doing your own thing in the same space. Being near each other could lead to the start of a conversation. You might also encourage your teen to talk to other supportive adults, such as an uncle or older cousin, for guidance.

Minimize pressure

Don't pressure your teen to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your teen some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for teens to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their parents.
If your teen shows an interest in body art — such as tattoos and piercings — make sure he or she understands the health risks, such as skin infections, allergic reactions, and hepatitis B and C. Also talk about potential permanence or scarring.
As you allow your teen some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your teen and the kind of person he or she will become.

Encourage cybersafety

Get to know the technology your teen is using and the websites he or she visits. If possible, keep the computer in a common area in your home. Remind your teen to practice these basic safety rules:

• Don't share personal information online.
• Don't share passwords.
• Don't get together with someone you meet online.
• Don't send anything in a message you wouldn't say face to face.
• Don't text or chat on the phone while driving.
• Don't plagiarize.
• Talk to a parent or trusted adult if an interaction or message makes you uncomfortable.

Good tips.  More from the folks at Mayo Clinic next week.  Be sure and vote tomorrow.  It's important for our country and for your children to see you exercising your rights as an American.  chrissie

Found a great list- 50 things to help make the teen and tween years easier. Below are three examples of living intentionally, no matter how old you are.  chrissie

This is the best time of your life—or so people keep telling you. But then, those same people tell you to clean your room, be home before 10, work on the weekends, and hand in 20-page research papers. Uh, OK.

You can't stop doing the things you have to do. But how you spend the rest of your time—well, that's a different story. Here are a few suggestions on how to spend that time, and be the person you want to be.

  

#18  For Your Personal Development

Connect With a Role Model

The adults in your life, from parents and teachers to bosses and coaches, are (for better or for worse) your main authority figures. They try to teach you right from wrong and urge you to maximize your potential. They also, often, get on your nerves. Sometimes we love the adult figures in our lives, and sometimes we wish they would just go away. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is important to have some kind of role model in your life—someone you actually look forward to spending time with and whose abilities, intelligence, and gusto drive and inspire you.

How to Do It

You probably already have a role model and don’t realize it. That person might be someone you know, like a particularly gifted friend of the family, a coach, a yoga teacher, or an older cousin. It might even be a local community leader who has done much to improve your neighborhood. To connect with this person, simply ask for a bit of his or her time. If you look up to your ballet instructor, ask her if you can help set up before or clean up after class. If it’s a professional photographer you want to learn from, ask him if you can assist on his next shoot. Talk to your role models about how they’ve gotten to where they are. What you learn from them will stay with you long after high school.

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Flaws and All

Throughout your life, your role models will change as you do. You’ll outgrow one and connect with another and eventually become a role model yourself. It’s important to remember that the point of having a role model is to get inspired, not to have unrealistic expectations of a fellow human being. Don’t put them on a pedestal: even the greatest among us will make mistakes or say dumb things from time to time, just like everyone else. 

#24 End an Argument

With all that’s going on in your life, it’s easy to find yourself every now and again in a tiff with a friend or relative. If you’re already in a bad mood, you might mistake a friend’s trying-to-be-helpful comment (“You’ve gotta work on your field goals if you wanna make varsity,” or “Those pants make you look fat”) as a vicious put-down. Miscommunications occur all the time. And backstabbing does happen, too, as groups of friends and foes form strategic alliances. Sometimes it’s like high school is one long episode of Survivor. But real friends will weather the storm. So if you do offend your best friend or feel betrayed by a close pal’s careless or callous comments, take the high road and bury the hatchet.

How to Do It

Once you’ve calmed down from the fight or slight, think objectively about the incident: Who said or did what, and why? Question the cause of the uproar, consider the motivations and feelings of everyone involved, and don’t spare yourself when doling out blame or—just as important—forgiveness. Let’s say a close friend mysteriously shunned you at lunch. Call, text, or email to find out what’s really going on. Maybe he or she was just having a bad day. Hopefully a good heart-to-heart will clear up any misunderstanding. Were you out of line in insulting your friend’s taste in music, or did you blow off plans because a better offer came along at the last minute? Own up to your mistake and vow to maintain mutual respect in the future. It’ll feel good to clear the air and might just make you closer in the end.

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When Judge Judy Is Busy

Need some help working out the argument or mending hurt feelings? Present both sides of the story to an unbiased third party—an older friend with great communication skills, or a trusted teacher or coach with a rep for always being fair—who can judge the situation and provide some much-needed perspective.

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 Because You Should

#86: Learn CPR

The heart is a resilient muscle built to withstand crushing breakups, fatty foods, and cheesy Valentine’s Day cards. But sometimes, when pushed to the max, it says, “Enough!” When someone’s heart quits, it can be fatal. Many times, however, you can help save a person who is undergoing cardiac arrest (the medical term for a heart attack) by performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation, also known as CPR.

How to Do It

CPR training is available free of charge at professional, volunteer, and government organizations in nearly every city, and you can also pay to take a course. Check out www.learncpr.org and www.redcross.org to find out where classes are held. In your three-hour course, you’ll learn how to quickly assess a victim’s condition and apply these life-saving procedures, which consist of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (breathing air into the victim’s lungs) and performing chest compressions. The point of mouth-to-mouth (you’ll practice on a mannequin, so no need to worry about the garlic you ate for lunch) is to keep oxygen flowing into the blood via the lungs; the chest compressions are intended to keep the blood flowing, especially to the brain. Remember, however, that CPR is only a first step; it is used to buy some time before a medical professional arrives to restore the victim’s heartbeat, usually by using an automated external defibrillator. That means it is absolutely essential to call 911 as soon as the incident occurs. Then practice CPR while you wait for help.

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Make a Splash

CPR can also be used to save the life of a drowning victim (once they are out of the water). If you’ve mastered CPR and are also an experienced swimmer who loves hanging out at the beach or community swimming pool, consider becoming a lifeguard. The American Red Cross and local safety organizations train lifeguards. You have to be at least 15 years old and devote 30 to 40 hours to learning rescue skills. What a cool job—you get to save lives and hang out on the beach or at the pool all summer.

Indeed, when it comes to body decoration, teens are often from Mars and parents from, well, Earth. Parents generally aren't fond of the idea of marking up their babies with tattoos, piercings, and strange dye jobs. (Even if they have our name in them-flattery gets them nowhere concerning body art)
As you have no doubt noticed though,  body decoration is no longer the domain of sailors, tribesmen, and the "bad kids"-even the "good ones" want them. Why? "They do it to stand out and be different," says Pamela Cantor, Ph.D., a lecturer in psychology, Department of Psychiatry, The Cambridge Hospital, Harvard Medical School in Massachusetts, who treats adolescents, "just as you might make a statement by wearing all black and being Goth."

 There are all kinds of body art, including piercings (think ear, nose, tongue, eyebrow, belly button) to tattoos (think anywhere!) to extreme haircuts, such as head shaving and permanent hair dying. What should you be concerned about as a parent?
The answer largely will depend on your parenting style, but let's start with health concerns, which are paramount. Your teenage daughter dying her hair purple may seem harmless enough, but permanent dyes can produce allergic reactions to skin.  Doctors recommend a test of the dye on the skin should be done prior to the complete dye technique.  With tattooing and body piercing, the health dangers become more serious.  With tattooing, we should worry about hepatitis B and C being passed from unclean instruments because of blood left from a previous customer. Staph (staphylococcus aureus) skin infections are also possible from both tattooing and piercing procedures.
Even knowing the health concerns, though, might not be enough to stop the stubborn, headstrong, or increasingly image-conscious teen. Therefore, it's time for action. Some options:

#1: Just say no

Putting your foot down stresses how important this decision is to you. How really important. We know from our teenage years that a lot of the weird things we did when we were young. (Ironing my hair comes to mind) The more permanent things however, make it difficult to function in the world. Parents have to step in and say, 'Not until you leave home.'

#2: Know your child

If you refuse them, would they conceivably do the job themselves? Be sure your teens understand that there will be severe consequences if they pierce or tattoo themselves or a friend. (My children were aware they could tattoo or pierce whatever they wanted, but should they choose to do so, college expenses would be their own responsibility.  Warren and I have four tattoo less and non-pierced children)

#3: Negotiate a deal Use a parent's best friend- delay tactics.   Tell your teen that he needs to "earn" his body decoration, perhaps through grades or behavior, or (my suggestion) you can just flat out tell him he has to wait. Since body decoration can be an impulsive act, they might not want one anymore after they've grown up a little.

#4: Talk about all kinds of pain  It's no secret that getting a tattoo hurts-really hurts  (this was another reason my needle phonic children probably never seriously considered tattoos). And although some teens might find enduring the pain of a tattoo sort of a war story of adolescence, they may feel differently when it's time to get one removed-an excruciatingly painful process. (And also expensive. In 2011, the AAD reported that a tattoo that costs $50 to $100 to obtain may cost $1,200 to $1,500 to remove by laser, with the average cost of an individual tattoo laser treatment ranging from $350 to $600 per treatment.)

WHAT IF I GIVE IN TO MY TEEN'S REQUEST? 

Still, if you and your teen decide to go forward with body decoration, (if you must)  how do you pick the safest procedure and best venue? Each state has different regulations with regard to tattoos and piercings. Check to be sure the establishment is properly licensed. Also, like restaurants, the cleanliness of the floor, walls, and bathrooms is a rough index of the sanitary conditions. Look for good sterile technique in terms of use of sterile gloves, disposable needles, and properly sterilized instruments. A piercing gun should not be used since it cannot be properly sterilized, and needles should never be reused. For hair cutting, shaving, and dying, a sterile technique is not necessary, but it is again important to check out an establishment's license and cleanliness. Additionally, make sure your teen is fully immunized against hepatitis B and tetanus before getting a piercing or tattoo, and, with piercing in particular, The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that they use only jewelry made of surgical grade stainless steel, 14 karat or 18 karat gold, niobium, or titanium and that you keep pierced and tattooed areas clean until they are completely healed.

 (see chart). 

Risks	Shaving/Dying	Piercing	Tattooing
Scarring/deformities	NO	YES	YES
Allergic reactions	YES	YES	YES
Hepatitis	NO	YES	YES
Staph skin infections	NO	YES	YES
Bleeding/lacerations	NO	YES	YES
Chipping of teeth/Speech impediments	NO	YES	NO

&U%#+&*

If the conversation in your house was part of a movie script, would it rate a G, PG, PG-13, or even an R?

Many parents are alarmed at their trash-talking teens, but James O'Connor, author of "Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing", offers hope. "Most swearing is complaining or criticizing, but when parent and teen are battling over profanity, it’s time for a new tactic," he advises. "Stop the yelling and threats and calmly explain how the language really bothers you. Encouraging them to develop a more positive attitude can not only reduce swearing, but they'll be happier too." O'Connor also encourages making deals: "Ask your teen what you do that really annoys him or her, and say you will try to change if he or she will try to change."

Here are some ideas that can encourage your teens to speak with more dignity and self-control.

SOLUTIONS:

1. Redefine Cool

Teens may think swearing is cool, but the truly cool are confident and articulate. Swearing reveals the opposite: insecurity and aggression. Swearing just sounds dumb, and dumb is never cool.

2. Promise to Improve Your Own Language

If you swear, you can make a powerful impact by saying, "I realize that I've set a bad example with my language and I'm working to improve it. I hope you’ll forgive me, and I'm asking you to make the same effort." Don't be dismayed by the inevitable eye-rolling. Your humility will make an impression, and it could be the first step in an important discussion about why words matter.

3. Explain the Link between Language and Moods

The hostility of foul language increases feelings of anger, which raises stress hormones and creates a vicious cycle of anger-swearing-anger. So if you want to be happier, talk cleaner.

4. Deflate the "But Everybody Does It!" Argument

The prevalence of obscene language in the media has made teen swearing an even bigger issue. Still, it’s a pretty lame argument to say that “Everybody does it," since it's no defense against indefensible behavior. In fact, O'Connor explains that the hostile and bitter tone of most swearing makes it a form of verbal violence. And what about the "freedom of speech" argument? Remind your kids that other people have rights, too, including the right not to be verbally assaulted by profanity.

5. Build Your Teen's Sense of Dignity and Belonging

Teens may also curse to get attention or to express rebellion or anger. Try to understand what's motivating your teens' need to swear, and look for ways to build their sense of self. You might suggest they actually say, “I am so angry right now because….” to help them get at the source of the problem. Teens still need heaps of reassurance and love from their parents. If your relationship with your teens is damaged or fragile, take their swearing problem as a wake-up call that they may need professional help to deal with underlying issues of anger, rebellion, or depression.

Tips to Tame the Four-Letter Monster

Build Incentives

Offer to treat your teens to an evening at their favorite restaurant or something else they'll enjoy if they go for an agreed-upon stretch of time with no swearing. This is a win-win: You have just scheduled time with your kids that you might not otherwise have spent together.

Set Standards for Your Home

Tell your kids, "This is a swearing-free environment," and establish consequences for violating the house rules, such as charging a dollar per swear word. Remember the old fashioned "Cuss Jar?" Put your money where your mouth is, and pay the same price if you slip. Don't overreact to occasional infractions, but in-your-face violations will require more memorable consequences, such as withholding allowance or permission to use the car. Whatever consequences you choose, be firm. It's your home. You are the parent. Act like one.

Be Patient

Breaking habits is hard. Your teens will not suddenly stop swearing, but investing the time and effort to help them understand how deeply words matter will help your teens grow into adults who won't only sound more mature, they'll be more mature, educated, and respected. chrissie

All You Need is Love

The first thing new parents hear is “Congratulations!” The second thing they hear is advice. That advice falls into two categories – the chastising kind that seems to highlight your imperfections (at least in your mind) and the words of wisdom that remind you that if you care about and love your kids, you’ll probably do just great. My vote is for the latter.
In 1946, Dr. Spock told parents “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” It was a revolution. Prior to that, parents had been fed a diet of lectures warning them against spoiling their kids with too much love and affection. Now, more than 60 years later, those words are still incredibly reassuring. Fortunately, other kind and compassionate voices have joined his.

One of the latest comforting voices comes from Brené Brown, author of "Daring Greatly," who shared her thoughts on parenting with Huffington Post readers in the form of "The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto." It’s a gentle reminder to be kind and loving not just to our children, but to ourselves as well. In it, Brown promises her kids:

“Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
"I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
“We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both. Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.”

In her article, Brown says she wrote this manifesto as a sort of antidote to all the do-it-this-way-or-you're-doomed parenting advice out there. She mentions her favorite piece of parenting advice, which she got listening to author Toni Morrison on The Oprah Show in 2000.

Morrison asked parents, “When your child walks in the room, does your face light up? When my children used to walk in the room, when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. My teen enters and I lecture curfews and homework. 

You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. But if you let your face speak what's in your heart...because when they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see."

What a tremendous piece of advice. We love and adore our children. They can make us smile and laugh like no one else. But, so often, in the midst of the daily grind and in our efforts to teach them right, we may forget to let them see the joy they bring us.

Here are a few other quotes and bits of advice about parenthood that are sure to reassure you and make you smile.

 “Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ~Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm
"You will always be your child's favorite toy."  ~Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children
"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."  ~Haim Ginott
"The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.  The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent."  ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough

And remember, you’re never going to get it all right. It’s OK.  As Bill Cosby said in "Fatherhood," “In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck ............and, of course, courage.” chrissie

Hello. It's Me

Over the decades, Good Housekeeping has offered tips on everything from dealing with teething to taming spirited teens. Here, Good Housekeeping shares their wisdom, including stopping the back talk and talking so teens will listen.  Just imagine.  Eye contact and a conversation! 

Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#1. Set Clear Rules

Figure out what's most important to you (No put-downs? No muttering? No condescending gazes?) and announce the rules to all members of the family. Post them in the kitchen for future reference, if need be.
Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#2. Decide Not to Take It

Parents who refuse to tolerate rude behavior tend to have kids who - you guessed it - aren't rude. Dole out consequences.

Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#3. Don't Get Into the Act

Sure, it's tempting to toss back a zinger to show the offending child how it feels, but bite your tongue and set an excellent example instead. Don't stoop to their maturity level. Model adult behavior so your child will have something positive to emulate.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#1. Ask Questions

Ask questions rather than dictating solutions. For instance, try, "Do you think you'll be able to get the whole project done in two nights?"rather than, "You have to start your science project now?" Questions encourage kids to think for themselves (good thing) and give them the sense you trust them.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#2. Take a Collaborative Approach

Try the let's collaborate approach. Explain what you're worried about (maybe he's staying up too late) and say something like, "I've noticed you're having trouble getting up in the morning. What do you think would help you feel more rested?" Let him try his suggestions; then, if they don't work, share yours. Open ended is the way to go when making suggestions.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#3. Weave Advice into Everyday Conversations

A formal "Come here; we need to talk" approach usually doesn't work. Instead, catch kids when they're feeling chatty and pay attention to the times of day when they open up naturally - for some it's after school, for others it's before bed. You know your teen. 
Good communication is one of the most important skills we can have as a parent. If you and your teen are seeming to not understand one another, try some of the tips above to reconnect and renew your relationship.  Happy October.  Chrissie

Sit Down Already!!!

Eating Together.
It matters. Could anything be more simple? It matters when our children are small and it matters when they become teenagers. A family dinner is important to instill good eating habits, for social interaction and for strengthening family ties. It's a time to communicate about the day. It's a time to reflect and renew. It's a time to give thanks. It's a time to be together.

Let me take this family dining idea a step further. I read alot about "just grab a pizza or a bucket of chicken, but sit down together." Certainly with all the activities and practices and events in the life of a family, drive-thru's and fast food are often the only options. I may be old-fashioned but sometimes "sitting down to dinner" should be more than a paper sack and squeeze packets of catsup. "Eating Right" is difficult with food to go. Eating Out is expensive! And "nothing says lovin' like something from your oven", right?

It takes a plan but our families are worth it. Casseroles can be made and frozen over the weekend. On Sunday, Dad can charcoal not only steaks but chicken breasts, pork chops and hamburgers for the rest of the week. Baked potatoes from the microwave, broiled tomatoes and a bag'o'salad with extra veggies make a meal. Try baked apples with the pork, whole wheat pasta tossed with fresh Parmesan and garlic butter and spinach salad from a sack with bacon bits, Durkee's onions rings, hard boiled eggs and Catalina dressing. Make fajitas out of the chicken breasts. Throw the peppers and onions on the grill (on foil) and then just wrap up. Shred the chicken and rewarm with the vegetables. Serve with flour tortillas. Hamburgers, baked beans and potato salad from the deli, fresh fruit and chips. Bingo. Four nights of meals.

Take dinner with your family one more step. Set the table. Use real napkins. Add candles or fresh flowers sometimes. Recognize a good grade, a soccer score or passing a driver's test. Celebrate the little things. Celebrate the big things. Enjoy being together.

Every once in a while, how about pulling out your wedding china? If those dishes just stay tucked away, our children will not associate them with anything "family." Aren't those darlings we love most of all worth the "good stuff"? And don't we want them to appreciate beautiful things, ...and know which fork to use when they have dinner with the President? ( a favorite Wagner reason to use their manners).

Turn off the TV, don't pick up the phone, and keep the conversation positive. Dinnertime is NOT the time to argue, chastise or pull rank. A study by Columbia University has found that teens whose families eat together are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. They also have less stress, better grades and -- perhaps most importantly -- better relationships with us! Dinner around a table grounds our children, gives them a sense of who they are, and is the way to nurture and love them.

Here's one of those dishes you can make ahead and freeze. It is similar to Beth's at Harmony House and is a Wagner family favorite. It is good with rice and a grapefruit and avacado salad with Martinique Poppy Seed Dressing. Note: An easy way to jazz up rice is to brown every 1 cup rice (dry) in 5 tbsps melted butter. Transfer to casserole. Substitute chicken or beef broth for the water. Throw in some slivered almonds if you're feeling frisky. Bake, covered, at 325 for about 45 minutes or until done.


Swiss Chicken Casserole
1 T butter or margarine
1 cup milk
4 boneless chicken breasts
salt and pepper
8 slices swiss cheese
1 pkg stuffing mix
1 can mushroom soup
Melt butter in casserole dish. Add Chicken Breasts, cover with swiss cheese. Mix soup and milk and pour over chicken and cheese. S and P to taste. Mix stuffing according to package directions and put on top of casserole. Can be frozen at this point. When ready to bake: Bake, still covered, at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours or until bubbly. Serves four generously.

Newest favorite dessert- Weight Watching friend shared this at a meeting and everyone loved it.  Google fr exact calories and fats but it is yummy and certainly less than traditional cake recipes.
1 box spice cake  (some say chocolate works great)
1 can pumpkin puree
1/2 cup water
beat well and pour into a greased 9 by 11 pan or muffin tins (it will be thick)
bake at 350 for 25- 30 minutes or muffins, 15 to 18 minutes.
Serve with lite Cool Whip
I  substitututed orange juice for the water and added pumpkin pie spice
with chocolate, try strong coffee instead of water
chrissie

Keys to Success

Sandra DuPont, family counselor and contributor on the web newspaper, Huff Post, shares her advice with parents on helping teens to have academic success. She offers a simple outline to get your teen on the road to excellence in high school.

  When children become teenagers they begin to seek a separate identity. There is a lot going on during adolescence such as body changes, mastering peer relationships and defining educational expectations. As students across the country begin a new school year, it's an opportune time for teens to begin learning social skills, personal responsibility and accountability and respect for authority.  Whew.  That's a mouthful.
 The teen years are also a period of transition for parents, who move away from providing for each and every childhood need to coaching their teen how to manage their own needs and deal with the frustrations and demands of daily life. As the parent of a teenager, your new role is to help your teen learn how to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves and let them take the lead while you encourage and support them from the sidelines. In other words, start cutting the cord while keeping them in your range of vision, without them knowing.........................easier said than done.

. The following tips are offered by Ms DuPont to help parents minimize their involvement and allow teens to take the lead in maximizing their own educational experience.
Learning Style
People learn differently. Some learn from listening to lectures or reading, while others learn best with visual aids or hands-on projects. If a teacher's style doesn't match your teen's learning style, students can supplement learning by using flash cards or sketching diagrams to aid in memorizing new material.
When taking notes, it may be useful for your teen to draw a sketch of something that helps the information stick in their mind. During class, students should listen for key words or phrases the teacher emphasizes, write them down, and highlight them so they are easily recognizable when reviewing their notes. There are lots of learning styles; visual, tactile, kinetic, through hearing .........google the term and identify how your child learns.
Planning
It is important for teens to understand their homework assignments and write them in their phone notebook, daily planner or notepad. Include specific details about what is expected and the assignment due date.
If your teen devotes enough time to do good work, they'll have greater means to succeed. Estimating how much time is needed to read a book, write a paper or prepare for an exam will help your teen establish an effective study schedule.
Organization
Organizing study notes helps students find information quickly when preparing for exams. This can be accomplished with highlighters, colored pens and post-its. Flagging information while reading makes it easy to return to. Highlight or write important topics, phrases or terms in a new color pen so they stand out.

Nobody benefits from completing an assignment, but forgetting to turn it in. At this stage, teachers have little patience for the excuse, "I left my homework at home." After homework is finished, teens should put homework in their binder or backpack, and set it next to the door so they can grab it and go the next morning.

Communication
If your teen can develop a good relationship with each teacher, they'll feel more comfortable asking questions and clarifying expectations, even if they don't personally like the teacher. This is a good one. As a former teacher, students who made the effort to relate to me one- on -one were one step ahead of the aloof ones.
Study Space and Time
Some people prefer a quiet study environment while others benefit from listening to soft music. A comfortable study space should reflect the student's style, but it should also be free of distraction. Cell phones and social mediashould be off limits during study time.

Teens can optimize learning by getting adequate rest, taking breaks, and being physically and emotionally healthy. Establishing bedtime limits and a nightly routine of reading or listening to relaxing music prior to bed helps teens get the sleep they need.

Test prep involves more than just studying. Teens need to be rested, alert, calm, confident and comfortable. It is also important to learn how to manage the time given for an exam and allot a certain number of minutes to each section of the exam. 
Homework Habits
Instead of watching television or plugging in to the Internet upon arriving home from school,  use them as a reward for after homework has been completed. Consider establishing healthy homework habits such as:

• Homework is done immediately after school.
• If self-discipline is an issue, homework can be done in the kitchen or common areas instead of their room.
• All social media is off-limits until homework is finished. You can do it.  Be strong!!!
• Cell phone is only accessible when homework is finished.

Checking In
As the new school year begins, check in with your teen by asking what they think of their teachers and how they are feeling about the subjects they are studying. Once school is underway check in daily or weekly by asking about their assignments and what they are learning. It really does help to know progress, rather than be surprised when the report card comes and it is too late.  If there is a problem, teachers and counselors can help with tutoring available, study groups and additional tools to success. chrissie

What's For Dinner??

As teens become more independent in their food choices, they tend to make the wrong choices - even teens who were brought up eating healthy. Here are the four bad food habits teens have and more importantly, what to do about them:
 
Skipping breakfast is the leading bad food habit for teenagers. According to the American Dietetic Association, more than half of male teens and more than two-thirds of female teens do not eat breakfast on a regular basis. Your mother was right.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast can upstart your teen's metabolism, which helps with weight control, mood and school performance.
You can ensure that your teen eats a healthy breakfast by making the foods readily accessible to him.  It is sometimes helpful to get all the prep done the night before.  Pancake batter, ready to go. Cantaloupe peeled and quartered. Cereal out and table set.  For late starts, a hard boiled egg and a cored apple- to- go are good for a quick hand-off.
 
The next unhealthy food habit teens have is increased foods from 'other' food group. Think of the food pyramid, the 'other' food group is the smallest smallest section at the top with what is supposed to be the least amount of servings. Teens tend to eat too much high fat and calorie snack foods that are categorized in the 'other' food group.
You can help teens break this habit by having fruits and healthy snacks available more often then having high fat and calorie snacks available. It is easier to grab a bag of chips at the grocery store then picking up a bag of oranges and remembering to wash and quarter.  It is worth the effort.  Carrots and celery in a tupperware container are easy to grab.There is cheese and whole wheat crackers.  Popcorn is always.popular and healthy to boot.  Get the fruit out of their plastic sacks, wash and arrange in a pretty bowl, and watch the contents disappear. Shaved turkey and whole wheat bread with lettuce and tomatoes is a much better choice than a fat filled pizza pocket.
 
Increased eating outside of the home is another bad food habit teens have. Teens hit the fast food restaurants much more often then they did when they were younger. This tends to be because of school, sports and work schedules overlapping regular meal times.
To circumvent this bad habit, talk to your teen about only eating less fast food.  Then make dinner and healthy food available to him when he has the time. This is another good excuse for sitting down as family and having dinner, no matter how inventive scheduling has to be.
 
Last, but not least, in this list of bad food habits is soft drink consumption. A study looking at American youths aged 6-17 found an increase in the prevalence of soft drink consumption from 37% in 1978 to 56% in 1998. You can help your teen choose a healthier drink by having fruit juice and water available and not buying soda. Or try fruit flavored carbonated water instead of soda. My teens really like these.

One common denominator for getting teens to eat healthier and avoid these bad food habits is an active role in providing healthy foods. When you get in the habit of making these foods more readily available to your teen, you will see a change in their eating habits. Eating habits that could last a lifetime. chrissie

All I Learned in Kindergarten

September is here and everyone is back in school.  When my children were small, getting back into the routine took a little while.  Earlier bedtimes, earlier mornings, schedules, homework- more structure and more expectations.  Getting back into the swing of it all was not easy.

When my last child graduated from high school, I thought those days were behind me.  No more sleepy heads. lunches to pack,  tennis gear to find.  Even more important,I did not have the angst and trepidation of a new school year.  All those unknowns.  The "good" teacher.  Acceptance by their peers.  Academic success.  Making the team.  Feeling good about themselves and their school experience. Over. Done.

Wrong.  My Mom school days are over but "Oh-Mommy" school days have taken their place. My grandchildren, Annebelle and Wagner certainly have involved parents.  That is an understatement.  Annie and Greg more assuredly need no help from anyone to raise their children. They are doing an outstanding job.  That said, I will share an example of my grandparenting.

Kindergarten is a big step.  You deposit this little soul into the care of another, and just walk away.  You have put 6 years of your life into this small child;  what he learns, what she sees, who they play with.  You know what they are passionate about, what they are afraid of, what makes them smile and what makes them cry.  You know this child because you love this child with all your heart.  And this is the child  you have just left in a little bitty chair, with his backpack and his lunchbox and a look of terror on his face. A parent has to turn on their heels, and with one goodbye, walk away.

I have assured my daughter that he will be fine.  It gets better.  They get used to the long day and the routine.  He will make new friends.  He will sort out the rules. (He says that is all they talk about)  He will not have to sit criss-cross applesauce all the time.  They will soon, very soon, get to play in the centers.  He will learn to eat his lunch before its time to go outside.

 So, off he marches, everyday, to get his education.

I talk a big story.  I know it is the truth.  But maybe, just maybe, around 11:30, a car slowly pulls into the street behind the playground.  The engine is turned off and the window is rolled down.  As the children pour onto the playground, one in particular is watched very carefully.  The little guy with with dinosaur on his shirt and back- to- school Nikes is spotted.  Just observed.  To see how he is doing.  On the playground. His first week of kindergarten.  Chrissie aka Oh-Mommy

Good Morning Sunshine

How you handle your family's morning routine can make or break their day. Getting tweens and teens to school on time, fed and ready while you need to get ready for your day is a monumental task. Completing it and staying calm can seem impossible. Are manic mornings your norm? Everyone going in separate directions, things forgotten and no one with a smile on their face, running madly out the door toward the day ahead.
Here a re a few ideas that might make the morning routine easier, less stressful and much more pleasant.
 
Anything that can be prepared the night before, should be. If you’re offering cereal for breakfast, get the cereal, bowls and spoons out and on the counter. Check the weather, let everyone know what it will be and choose an appropriate outfit.Planning wardrobe the night before can save last minute panic in the morning.  Kids should have their backpacks packed and ready to go. Lunch money, homework,  pencils, etc. should all be ready the night before. Depending on your teen’s maturity level, check or have him/her check their weekly schedule. Does he/she have practice or band the next day? Get this stuff ready too. Being ready the night before will save the last minute scramble time that will frustrate your teen, possibly make him/her late and not set a good tone to start the new day.
While it may be harder for teens to go to bed at an early hour, you should strive to get them to sleep at least 8 hours nightly.  Everyone's day will be better if they got enough rest the night before.
Make time for breakfast.  It serves as a healthy way to start the day both physically and emotionally for the whole family. Talk to your family about what they would like to have for breakfast. Make this time quality family time. Mix the pancake batter the night before.  Precook bacon and recrisp in the microwave.  Peel and slice cantalope, freeze a batch of  blueberry muffins and take out what you need.  I have even poached eggs ahead of time and rewarmed the next morning.
Model a positive attitude about the upcoming day. The more you moan and groan about your boss and co-workers or the project your working on the more your children will learn to moan and groan about their teachers and their next math test. Life isn’t always peachy - that’s a fact - but having a positive attitude about doing things that aren’t easy is half the struggle. You can give your teen this lesson daily every morning, without the lecture, just by doing it.
Say things like, "I'm looking forward to finishing ____ today." Then ask your teen if there is anything he/she is looking forward to in the day ahead. Everyday conversations with your teen count toward keeping the lines of communication open.
here's a good one.  Get out of bed 15 minutes before the kids do. Start your morning routine or have a cup of coffee. Give yourself some quiet time before the rush of everyone else getting ready and needing your attention. This ‘me time’ does wonders for getting everyone in the family's day off to a good start.


Finally, finish your morning routine with a loving goodbye, complete with hug if your teen will let you. Here is a perfect time to strengthen your loving foundation and family bonds. Then, take a deep breath as you close the door.  Chrissie

Accountability???

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is CompletedYou never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

Six Easy Steps

It's almost that time.  School supplies. New Clothes. Lunches packed. Homework. A return to regular bedtimes and after-school activities.  Summer is rapidly coming to a close.

Daughter Annie shared my grand children's fall schedule with me.  Art class. Gymnastics.  Soccer.  They are busy but Annie really tries to limit their activities after school.  She wants home and down time to be an integral part of their schedule. Date night with their Daddy is also on the calendar.  One on One time is a planned activity. It's a fine balance between offering opportunities and nurturing a secure home life.

Annie shared a book by Dr. James Dobson-Bringing Up Girls.   He features a finding by Dr. Frank Luntz-six parental behaviors that are most likely to hurt-or destroy our own children.

Healthy Children to Healthy Adults:

The Six Steps Parents Really Need to Know

1.  Having Dinner with your children.  Nothing says "I truly care about you" more than spending dinnertime with your children at least five nights a week.  More that any other day, parents who dine with their children produce healthier adults because it sends the clear signal that their children are a high priority.  Parents who miss dinner- no matter what the excuse, are sending the wrong message, one that is unfortunately heard loud and clear by our children.

(Dr. Luntz found that teens who eat dinner at home 3 to 5 times a week have a lower risk of using cigarettes, alcohol and illegal drugs.  That, is families who eat dinner together, with the
 television off and the phones down.)

2.  Successful anti-drug and anti-alcohol education includes a spiritual component.  If your child is taught at an early age that there is something out there that is bigger and more important that themselves, they are more likely to respect and appreciate the miracle of life and less likely to destroy it with harmful substances.

3.  Checking your child's homework nightly.  There are two components at work here. Participation daily sends the message that your child matters.  It also serves as a warning sign if something is off track.  Involvement in intellectual pursuits wards off harmful physical activity.
 
4.  Demanding the truth-and getting it.  Parents who insist on knowing exactly where their children are on Friday and Saturday night are sending a clear message that not every place, every friend, or every behavior is acceptable. Children who tell them the truth are acknowledging those boundaries.  If they lie about where they are, they will most assuredly lie about what they do.  Deceit in the name of "teenagers will be teenagers" should never be tolerated.

5.  Taking your children on vacation for at least a week at a time.  Long weekends just don't qualify because it isn't long enough to break the daily routine or reconnect relationships.  Turn off all portable devices and turn your children back on.

6.  Encourage them to participate in a team sport.  Sorry, individual sports and other group activities like band and drama don't count.  Team members are often even less tolerant of substance abuse than parents-for good reason.  When teens depend on each other's physical health and performance, they are less likely to engage in harmful physical behavior. Peer pressure to do the right thing can be a powerful motivating force.

Dr. Dobson sums up Luntz's findings with the following:

"Parents need to think hard about protecting their children from harmful influences after school and at all times.  The solution is to be found in building good relationships, in providing close supervision, in keeping your eyes and ears open. in enjoying wholesome recreation with your children, in encouraging team sports, in getting involved in a caring church, enrolling your kids in a good school, carefully monitoring friends and in talking a lot at evening meals."

Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet.  It may take some reprogramming but the results are worth the effort. chrissie

One Last Hurrah

August is here and that means for anyone with children, an impending return to schedules, school, activities and a routine. You and yours are gearing up and getting ready.  I remember studying the Seventeen- Back to School issue from front to back and the excitement of shopping for school clothes.  Then arriving in wool skirt and long sleeved blouse and sweater, so spiffy but soooo hot.  Most of the junior high was not air-conditioned and fall weather was at least a month away. 

Many families have a last hurrah before school starts. My group is no exception.  We drive, we fly, we migrate to Florida and the beach.  Lots of bedrooms so all can come.  And they do. Being physically away from jobs and chores and responsibilities is possible and important.  Even for a little while. 

We had a grand time.  We always do.  Lots of beach time. After all- that's why we came!  Where we rent, the beach is beautiful but shells are not abundant.  That was remedied with store bought shells and a little slight of hand.  "Oh look, there's one."  Toss.  "There's another one"  Drop.  Night time crabbing and sunset walks along the water.  Sand-castle contests and lunch on the beach.

We cooked in.  Friend Kelly's crab cakes were the best I have ever eaten and son-in-law Greg's Garlic Shrimp were right up there.  We ate out.  George's at Alys Beach if you are in the 30- A area is a must.  We rode bikes.  We rented pontoons.  We did a little shopping. Saw the Blue Angels. We watched a lot of Olympics.  We sat around the pool and watched the children swim. Even saw an alligator at the hotel on the way down.

It was an easy week.  Decided to come home though Memphis so the grandchildren could see the ducks at the Peabody.  My daughter Annie kept calling the hotel  "old school".  Stacks of white fluffy towels.  Beds turned down at night.  Real people who brought desserts at night and coffee in the morning. (Annebelle loves room service).  We went to see the duck parade, but the real bonus was that our grand kids were exposed to a gentler time and genteel way of life.

My husband and I try to offer opportunities for all of us to be together.  Here.  There.  Wherever.  Any place that makes memories. New ideas.  New experiences.  New ways of looking at things.  That's the ticket.  And ultimately, to just be together.  chrissie