Found a great list- 50 things to help make the teen and tween years easier. Below are three examples of living intentionally, no matter how old you are.  chrissie

This is the best time of your life—or so people keep telling you. But then, those same people tell you to clean your room, be home before 10, work on the weekends, and hand in 20-page research papers. Uh, OK.

You can't stop doing the things you have to do. But how you spend the rest of your time—well, that's a different story. Here are a few suggestions on how to spend that time, and be the person you want to be.

  

#18  For Your Personal Development

Connect With a Role Model

The adults in your life, from parents and teachers to bosses and coaches, are (for better or for worse) your main authority figures. They try to teach you right from wrong and urge you to maximize your potential. They also, often, get on your nerves. Sometimes we love the adult figures in our lives, and sometimes we wish they would just go away. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is important to have some kind of role model in your life—someone you actually look forward to spending time with and whose abilities, intelligence, and gusto drive and inspire you.

How to Do It

You probably already have a role model and don’t realize it. That person might be someone you know, like a particularly gifted friend of the family, a coach, a yoga teacher, or an older cousin. It might even be a local community leader who has done much to improve your neighborhood. To connect with this person, simply ask for a bit of his or her time. If you look up to your ballet instructor, ask her if you can help set up before or clean up after class. If it’s a professional photographer you want to learn from, ask him if you can assist on his next shoot. Talk to your role models about how they’ve gotten to where they are. What you learn from them will stay with you long after high school.

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Flaws and All

Throughout your life, your role models will change as you do. You’ll outgrow one and connect with another and eventually become a role model yourself. It’s important to remember that the point of having a role model is to get inspired, not to have unrealistic expectations of a fellow human being. Don’t put them on a pedestal: even the greatest among us will make mistakes or say dumb things from time to time, just like everyone else. 

#24 End an Argument

With all that’s going on in your life, it’s easy to find yourself every now and again in a tiff with a friend or relative. If you’re already in a bad mood, you might mistake a friend’s trying-to-be-helpful comment (“You’ve gotta work on your field goals if you wanna make varsity,” or “Those pants make you look fat”) as a vicious put-down. Miscommunications occur all the time. And backstabbing does happen, too, as groups of friends and foes form strategic alliances. Sometimes it’s like high school is one long episode of Survivor. But real friends will weather the storm. So if you do offend your best friend or feel betrayed by a close pal’s careless or callous comments, take the high road and bury the hatchet.

How to Do It

Once you’ve calmed down from the fight or slight, think objectively about the incident: Who said or did what, and why? Question the cause of the uproar, consider the motivations and feelings of everyone involved, and don’t spare yourself when doling out blame or—just as important—forgiveness. Let’s say a close friend mysteriously shunned you at lunch. Call, text, or email to find out what’s really going on. Maybe he or she was just having a bad day. Hopefully a good heart-to-heart will clear up any misunderstanding. Were you out of line in insulting your friend’s taste in music, or did you blow off plans because a better offer came along at the last minute? Own up to your mistake and vow to maintain mutual respect in the future. It’ll feel good to clear the air and might just make you closer in the end.

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When Judge Judy Is Busy

Need some help working out the argument or mending hurt feelings? Present both sides of the story to an unbiased third party—an older friend with great communication skills, or a trusted teacher or coach with a rep for always being fair—who can judge the situation and provide some much-needed perspective.

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 Because You Should

#86: Learn CPR

The heart is a resilient muscle built to withstand crushing breakups, fatty foods, and cheesy Valentine’s Day cards. But sometimes, when pushed to the max, it says, “Enough!” When someone’s heart quits, it can be fatal. Many times, however, you can help save a person who is undergoing cardiac arrest (the medical term for a heart attack) by performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation, also known as CPR.

How to Do It

CPR training is available free of charge at professional, volunteer, and government organizations in nearly every city, and you can also pay to take a course. Check out www.learncpr.org and www.redcross.org to find out where classes are held. In your three-hour course, you’ll learn how to quickly assess a victim’s condition and apply these life-saving procedures, which consist of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (breathing air into the victim’s lungs) and performing chest compressions. The point of mouth-to-mouth (you’ll practice on a mannequin, so no need to worry about the garlic you ate for lunch) is to keep oxygen flowing into the blood via the lungs; the chest compressions are intended to keep the blood flowing, especially to the brain. Remember, however, that CPR is only a first step; it is used to buy some time before a medical professional arrives to restore the victim’s heartbeat, usually by using an automated external defibrillator. That means it is absolutely essential to call 911 as soon as the incident occurs. Then practice CPR while you wait for help.

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Make a Splash

CPR can also be used to save the life of a drowning victim (once they are out of the water). If you’ve mastered CPR and are also an experienced swimmer who loves hanging out at the beach or community swimming pool, consider becoming a lifeguard. The American Red Cross and local safety organizations train lifeguards. You have to be at least 15 years old and devote 30 to 40 hours to learning rescue skills. What a cool job—you get to save lives and hang out on the beach or at the pool all summer.

Indeed, when it comes to body decoration, teens are often from Mars and parents from, well, Earth. Parents generally aren't fond of the idea of marking up their babies with tattoos, piercings, and strange dye jobs. (Even if they have our name in them-flattery gets them nowhere concerning body art)
As you have no doubt noticed though,  body decoration is no longer the domain of sailors, tribesmen, and the "bad kids"-even the "good ones" want them. Why? "They do it to stand out and be different," says Pamela Cantor, Ph.D., a lecturer in psychology, Department of Psychiatry, The Cambridge Hospital, Harvard Medical School in Massachusetts, who treats adolescents, "just as you might make a statement by wearing all black and being Goth."

 There are all kinds of body art, including piercings (think ear, nose, tongue, eyebrow, belly button) to tattoos (think anywhere!) to extreme haircuts, such as head shaving and permanent hair dying. What should you be concerned about as a parent?
The answer largely will depend on your parenting style, but let's start with health concerns, which are paramount. Your teenage daughter dying her hair purple may seem harmless enough, but permanent dyes can produce allergic reactions to skin.  Doctors recommend a test of the dye on the skin should be done prior to the complete dye technique.  With tattooing and body piercing, the health dangers become more serious.  With tattooing, we should worry about hepatitis B and C being passed from unclean instruments because of blood left from a previous customer. Staph (staphylococcus aureus) skin infections are also possible from both tattooing and piercing procedures.
Even knowing the health concerns, though, might not be enough to stop the stubborn, headstrong, or increasingly image-conscious teen. Therefore, it's time for action. Some options:

#1: Just say no

Putting your foot down stresses how important this decision is to you. How really important. We know from our teenage years that a lot of the weird things we did when we were young. (Ironing my hair comes to mind) The more permanent things however, make it difficult to function in the world. Parents have to step in and say, 'Not until you leave home.'

#2: Know your child

If you refuse them, would they conceivably do the job themselves? Be sure your teens understand that there will be severe consequences if they pierce or tattoo themselves or a friend. (My children were aware they could tattoo or pierce whatever they wanted, but should they choose to do so, college expenses would be their own responsibility.  Warren and I have four tattoo less and non-pierced children)

#3: Negotiate a deal Use a parent's best friend- delay tactics.   Tell your teen that he needs to "earn" his body decoration, perhaps through grades or behavior, or (my suggestion) you can just flat out tell him he has to wait. Since body decoration can be an impulsive act, they might not want one anymore after they've grown up a little.

#4: Talk about all kinds of pain  It's no secret that getting a tattoo hurts-really hurts  (this was another reason my needle phonic children probably never seriously considered tattoos). And although some teens might find enduring the pain of a tattoo sort of a war story of adolescence, they may feel differently when it's time to get one removed-an excruciatingly painful process. (And also expensive. In 2011, the AAD reported that a tattoo that costs $50 to $100 to obtain may cost $1,200 to $1,500 to remove by laser, with the average cost of an individual tattoo laser treatment ranging from $350 to $600 per treatment.)

WHAT IF I GIVE IN TO MY TEEN'S REQUEST? 

Still, if you and your teen decide to go forward with body decoration, (if you must)  how do you pick the safest procedure and best venue? Each state has different regulations with regard to tattoos and piercings. Check to be sure the establishment is properly licensed. Also, like restaurants, the cleanliness of the floor, walls, and bathrooms is a rough index of the sanitary conditions. Look for good sterile technique in terms of use of sterile gloves, disposable needles, and properly sterilized instruments. A piercing gun should not be used since it cannot be properly sterilized, and needles should never be reused. For hair cutting, shaving, and dying, a sterile technique is not necessary, but it is again important to check out an establishment's license and cleanliness. Additionally, make sure your teen is fully immunized against hepatitis B and tetanus before getting a piercing or tattoo, and, with piercing in particular, The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that they use only jewelry made of surgical grade stainless steel, 14 karat or 18 karat gold, niobium, or titanium and that you keep pierced and tattooed areas clean until they are completely healed.

 (see chart). 

Risks	Shaving/Dying	Piercing	Tattooing
Scarring/deformities	NO	YES	YES
Allergic reactions	YES	YES	YES
Hepatitis	NO	YES	YES
Staph skin infections	NO	YES	YES
Bleeding/lacerations	NO	YES	YES
Chipping of teeth/Speech impediments	NO	YES	NO

&U%#+&*

If the conversation in your house was part of a movie script, would it rate a G, PG, PG-13, or even an R?

Many parents are alarmed at their trash-talking teens, but James O'Connor, author of "Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing", offers hope. "Most swearing is complaining or criticizing, but when parent and teen are battling over profanity, it’s time for a new tactic," he advises. "Stop the yelling and threats and calmly explain how the language really bothers you. Encouraging them to develop a more positive attitude can not only reduce swearing, but they'll be happier too." O'Connor also encourages making deals: "Ask your teen what you do that really annoys him or her, and say you will try to change if he or she will try to change."

Here are some ideas that can encourage your teens to speak with more dignity and self-control.

SOLUTIONS:

1. Redefine Cool

Teens may think swearing is cool, but the truly cool are confident and articulate. Swearing reveals the opposite: insecurity and aggression. Swearing just sounds dumb, and dumb is never cool.

2. Promise to Improve Your Own Language

If you swear, you can make a powerful impact by saying, "I realize that I've set a bad example with my language and I'm working to improve it. I hope you’ll forgive me, and I'm asking you to make the same effort." Don't be dismayed by the inevitable eye-rolling. Your humility will make an impression, and it could be the first step in an important discussion about why words matter.

3. Explain the Link between Language and Moods

The hostility of foul language increases feelings of anger, which raises stress hormones and creates a vicious cycle of anger-swearing-anger. So if you want to be happier, talk cleaner.

4. Deflate the "But Everybody Does It!" Argument

The prevalence of obscene language in the media has made teen swearing an even bigger issue. Still, it’s a pretty lame argument to say that “Everybody does it," since it's no defense against indefensible behavior. In fact, O'Connor explains that the hostile and bitter tone of most swearing makes it a form of verbal violence. And what about the "freedom of speech" argument? Remind your kids that other people have rights, too, including the right not to be verbally assaulted by profanity.

5. Build Your Teen's Sense of Dignity and Belonging

Teens may also curse to get attention or to express rebellion or anger. Try to understand what's motivating your teens' need to swear, and look for ways to build their sense of self. You might suggest they actually say, “I am so angry right now because….” to help them get at the source of the problem. Teens still need heaps of reassurance and love from their parents. If your relationship with your teens is damaged or fragile, take their swearing problem as a wake-up call that they may need professional help to deal with underlying issues of anger, rebellion, or depression.

Tips to Tame the Four-Letter Monster

Build Incentives

Offer to treat your teens to an evening at their favorite restaurant or something else they'll enjoy if they go for an agreed-upon stretch of time with no swearing. This is a win-win: You have just scheduled time with your kids that you might not otherwise have spent together.

Set Standards for Your Home

Tell your kids, "This is a swearing-free environment," and establish consequences for violating the house rules, such as charging a dollar per swear word. Remember the old fashioned "Cuss Jar?" Put your money where your mouth is, and pay the same price if you slip. Don't overreact to occasional infractions, but in-your-face violations will require more memorable consequences, such as withholding allowance or permission to use the car. Whatever consequences you choose, be firm. It's your home. You are the parent. Act like one.

Be Patient

Breaking habits is hard. Your teens will not suddenly stop swearing, but investing the time and effort to help them understand how deeply words matter will help your teens grow into adults who won't only sound more mature, they'll be more mature, educated, and respected. chrissie

All You Need is Love

The first thing new parents hear is “Congratulations!” The second thing they hear is advice. That advice falls into two categories – the chastising kind that seems to highlight your imperfections (at least in your mind) and the words of wisdom that remind you that if you care about and love your kids, you’ll probably do just great. My vote is for the latter.
In 1946, Dr. Spock told parents “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” It was a revolution. Prior to that, parents had been fed a diet of lectures warning them against spoiling their kids with too much love and affection. Now, more than 60 years later, those words are still incredibly reassuring. Fortunately, other kind and compassionate voices have joined his.

One of the latest comforting voices comes from Brené Brown, author of "Daring Greatly," who shared her thoughts on parenting with Huffington Post readers in the form of "The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto." It’s a gentle reminder to be kind and loving not just to our children, but to ourselves as well. In it, Brown promises her kids:

“Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
"I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
“We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both. Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.”

In her article, Brown says she wrote this manifesto as a sort of antidote to all the do-it-this-way-or-you're-doomed parenting advice out there. She mentions her favorite piece of parenting advice, which she got listening to author Toni Morrison on The Oprah Show in 2000.

Morrison asked parents, “When your child walks in the room, does your face light up? When my children used to walk in the room, when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. My teen enters and I lecture curfews and homework. 

You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. But if you let your face speak what's in your heart...because when they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see."

What a tremendous piece of advice. We love and adore our children. They can make us smile and laugh like no one else. But, so often, in the midst of the daily grind and in our efforts to teach them right, we may forget to let them see the joy they bring us.

Here are a few other quotes and bits of advice about parenthood that are sure to reassure you and make you smile.

 “Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ~Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm
"You will always be your child's favorite toy."  ~Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children
"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."  ~Haim Ginott
"The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.  The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent."  ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough

And remember, you’re never going to get it all right. It’s OK.  As Bill Cosby said in "Fatherhood," “In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck ............and, of course, courage.” chrissie

Hello. It's Me

Over the decades, Good Housekeeping has offered tips on everything from dealing with teething to taming spirited teens. Here, Good Housekeeping shares their wisdom, including stopping the back talk and talking so teens will listen.  Just imagine.  Eye contact and a conversation! 

Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#1. Set Clear Rules

Figure out what's most important to you (No put-downs? No muttering? No condescending gazes?) and announce the rules to all members of the family. Post them in the kitchen for future reference, if need be.
Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#2. Decide Not to Take It

Parents who refuse to tolerate rude behavior tend to have kids who - you guessed it - aren't rude. Dole out consequences.

Stop the Back Talk Strategy
#3. Don't Get Into the Act

Sure, it's tempting to toss back a zinger to show the offending child how it feels, but bite your tongue and set an excellent example instead. Don't stoop to their maturity level. Model adult behavior so your child will have something positive to emulate.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#1. Ask Questions

Ask questions rather than dictating solutions. For instance, try, "Do you think you'll be able to get the whole project done in two nights?"rather than, "You have to start your science project now?" Questions encourage kids to think for themselves (good thing) and give them the sense you trust them.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#2. Take a Collaborative Approach

Try the let's collaborate approach. Explain what you're worried about (maybe he's staying up too late) and say something like, "I've noticed you're having trouble getting up in the morning. What do you think would help you feel more rested?" Let him try his suggestions; then, if they don't work, share yours. Open ended is the way to go when making suggestions.

Talk So Teens Will Listen Strategy
#3. Weave Advice into Everyday Conversations

A formal "Come here; we need to talk" approach usually doesn't work. Instead, catch kids when they're feeling chatty and pay attention to the times of day when they open up naturally - for some it's after school, for others it's before bed. You know your teen. 
Good communication is one of the most important skills we can have as a parent. If you and your teen are seeming to not understand one another, try some of the tips above to reconnect and renew your relationship.  Happy October.  Chrissie