You Don't Want to Miss a Thing

Do you remember these Aerosmith lyrics:

I could stay lost in this moment... fff... forever
O'every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing....

The song came out near the time of my daughter's high school graduation, and, corny as it is, even then I knew the lyrics were bittersweet. Although written as a love song, it had managed to capture the way I had been feeling throughout her senior year.

Maybe I had been feeling it in the back of my mind since she was born. As a teacher, I had seen so many parents go through the emotionally charged weeks before graduation. I knew one part of a precious journey would ultimately be over and I didn't want to miss a thing. I'm sure I had already started missing her, though, long before the end of her senior year.

If you are the mother or father of a graduating senior and you haven't taken advantage of almost every opportunity to see your child perform, you are running out of time. Ultimately, you are running out of time, even if you have attended every single school function religiously. I know early on it seemed like there would be a never-ending list of football games, choir concerts, cheerleader try-outs, soccer games and tennis matches, academic assemblies and honor society initiations, band concerts, parades, coronations, basketball games, track meets, and Proms, but they do end, and once they're over, they're over for good - no going back. You have one more week to revel in the accomplishments of the most precious thing in your life, and you don't want to miss a thing.

You can make this week special for your senior by making a place of honor on your diningroom table just for him/her. Put his/her framed senior picture in the middle of the table. Put all the cards, gifts and good wishes that arrive on the table for everyone to see that other people hold your child in esteem. Display honor certificates, medals, awards, trophies, ropes, tassels, and other kudos prominenetly on the table as they are received throughout the week.

Don't forget your children's good friends, either. These people have stood by your child throughout high school, or for most people in Muskogee, since childhood. Congratulate them profusely and tell them how proud you are of them. Take every opportunity to cook for them or go out to eat with them - it is also one more opportunity to be with your child! Have a cook-out, pool party, or other reception for your child, family, and friends on graduation day, pre or post event.

Yes, life goes on after graduation, but not ever in the same way. As a teacher, I re-live the bittersweet part of the graduation experience over and over again. The biggest loss is knowing that these wonderful people with whom I have associated for the last four important years of their lives - seeing their educations culminate in college acceptance letters and scholarships - will never be in my life on a daily basis again. That is my very great loss.

I will miss almost everything in the rest of your children's lives - college graduations, weddings, first jobs, babies. To me they will remain those happy, innocent, eighteen-year-olds marching merrily, if not with some trepidation, into the rest of their lives. But, you still have time to watch them stride across the stage and on to future successes, and you really don't want to miss a thing.

No school Monday, May 28th - Memorial Day

MHS Graduation Friday, June 1st at Indian Bowl

You must have a ticket to attend - tickets will be passed out at graduation practices next week.

It's My Party and I'll Drink If I Want To!

Last week a great deal of our discussion centered around teens and drinking. It should. UnderAge Drinking is a dangerous activity, particularly "Binge Drinking." It was a coincidence that my daughter Catherine received a 21st birthday card from OU Friday. It opened with "Celebrate, Sooner Style." The inside message: SOONERS Celebrate Responsibly.

In colleges all over America it is an accepted practice to celebrate "being legal" at a popular bar.
There, the birthday boy or girl orders shots, 21 of them. Each shot is drunk with enthusiastic cheering on from friends. Needless to say, the night ends messy at the least and deadly at the worst.

OU has begun a very aggressive campaign against both underage and binge drinking. It was begun in earnest in 2005, after a freshman pledge at the Sigma Chi house died from alcohol poisoning. The card my daughter received from President Boren and Dean of Students, Clarke Stroud was yet another example of how much good information is available for our kids.

Here is some of what is included in the birthday card.

Know the Signs of Alcohol Poisoning:

*Unconsciousness
*Slow Respiration (less than 8 breaths a minute)
*Cold, clammy, pale or bluish skin
*Vomiting while passed out/not waking up after vomiting
*When in doubt...call 911

If You Even Think That Someone Has

Alcohol Poisoning

Call 911 Immediately!

*Do Not Leave the Person Alone

*Roll person on side to prevent choking

*Monitor the person's airway, breathing and circulation until help arrives

Make Smart Choices

*Drinking is a choice.....yours

*Look for alternatives to alcohol with creative food and drink, and activities that do not involve drinking

*Never Drink and Drive

*If you choose to drink, do not over-consume. Switch or alternate with soft-drinks or water

*Eat before and snack during the party

*Be aware: Alcohol absorption can be effected by age, weight, medical conditions, medications and other factors

*Use your own I.D. Do not let anyone else use your I.D.

*If you choose to drink, you must be 21

*Help others make smart choices

Further information is given regarding saferide in the Norman area and a number for help with alcohol issues. They also indicate the web page for OU's Alcohol Policy.

OU students are all very familiar with the policy. It is three strikes and then, you're Out. Most students feel the Campus Police are overly aggressive in citing infractions. Of course they do. Drinking is something many have been doing since they were 15. Lots of drinking.

I applaud the alcohol education MHS offered our high school kids last week. I am grateful for OU's increased emphasis on safety and drinking responsibly with their students. MADD and SADD and The Victims Panel and Police Programs and counselors and AA...the list of help and education available is impressive. The question is , is any of it reaching our kids?

A Final Word About the Prom

I just want to add one more thing about the Prom. There is anti-drinking and driving education at school for your teens. Muskogee High School has a SADD chapter which is working in conjunction with Oklahoma Project Under 21 sponsored by the Green Country Behavioral Health Services to get the word out to teens about having a designated driver and/or abstaining from drinking until legal age.

Today former Muskogee police officer Jackie Luckey, now with GCBHS and Project U 21 liaison, brought out the fatal vision goggles during all lunch periods at MHS. Students tried on the goggles to experience how dysfunctional a person becomes under the influence of alcohol or drugs. There was quite a crowd, so we can hope that many students got the point.

Additionally, the Junior Class, which sponsors the Prom, has ordered party favors for all Prom goers that have anti-drinking messages on them. Hopefully the subliminal messages will stick in the students' minds and deter them from dangerous behavior.

Green Country Behavioral Health is also sponsoring "The Red Carpet Rolls On" Prom After Party at the old YMCA from midnight until 2:00. There will be music, snacks, and activities free of charge. All MHS students and their dates are welcome with ID. For more information call Dawn Blue or Jackie Luckey with GCBHS on Main St.

A Happy and Safe Prom 2007 to all our graduating seniors, promising juniors, and their dates.

Remember:

Stay alive.

Don't drink and drive.

MHS Baccalaureate Sunday, May 20 at First Assembly of God on Gullick St.

Prom Night-Muskogee Style

Prom is touted to be high school's biggest social event. The dress, the date, the dinner plans. I asked a teacher friend if some MHS Juniors and Seniors could take a minute or two and complete a survey. No names, and honest answers. The Muskogee High Prom is this weekend. What do the Class of 2007 and 2008 think of the upcoming event?

I don't know how scientific the format was but I found it interesting. What follows are some off- the- cuff responses to my survey questions.

1. What does "Going to the Prom" mean in 2007? Is it still dinner in Tulsa, a rented limo, a tux and an expensive dress?
#1. Dinner in Tulsa, tons of parties, limo and a "rockin" dress.
#2 Prom is the time to be with friends before we go and start whole, new lives.
#3 Going to prom for me is a last chance to be with friends while looking like a queen.
#4. Our group figured out this year that you don't have to rent a limo and go to Tulsa. You don't have to pay a lot of money for your dress for prom night to be considered a success. It's not so much about what you do but who you're with . The memories come from the friends you're with.
#5. Going to prom means being with as many of our friends as we can to spend one of our last "group" activities together.

2. If you are not excited about prom this year, why?
#1. Well, if anything, the prices and expenses are ridiculous and off the charts. I owed over $100.00 dollars at the bank before they would even let me but a prom ticket. (Note: School debts must be settled before buying a ticket. This includes perhaps a lost text book or a parking ticket....or 2 or 3)
#2. It's too crazy of a night to really enjoy.
#3. People acting stupid. The drinking at the after parties.
#4. Only the popular kids have fun at prom. I don't want to come again this year without a date.
#5. It is $40.00 a couple this year and the prom is in the school cafeteria. Nothing like the smell of stale tater tots as you dance.

3. Any tips for cutting the expense?
#1. Yes, forget the decorations and charge less for tickets. It 's always crepe paper and cardboard anyway.
#2. Girls, do your own makeup, hair and nails. Boys should have the decency to pay for dinner and prom tickets. Oh, and you could borrow a dress from a friend.
#3. It is not important to wear an expensive dress. Everyone at MHS is all about cheap, cute and short.
#4. Vintage stores for retro dresses and suits. Also Resale and Consignment Stores. You don't need a tux.
#5. Have dinner together at someones house. Last year we had steaks with all the trimmings and each chipped in $15.00.
#6. Instead of Olive Garden, make a little stop to the place with the "Golden Arches."

4. What are your specific plans this year? (#1 IS MY FAVORITE)
#1. Whatever the girls tell me I am doing.
#2. Pictures at Honor Heights, Dinner at the cabin, then of course we will arrive fashionably late, around 10:00.
#3. Eat early, go to the Roxy to hear live music, then go to the prom.
#4. Eat, take pictures, go to the dance, then to Wal Mart to hang out with friends.
(Wal Mart??)

5. Are you and your group wise about safety and driving?
#1. Me, yes, Friends, not so much.
#2. Yes, we are very wise, I will probably be the designated driver.
#3. Yes, for sure!
#4. Of course.
#5. No.
#6. Yes, we will have a designated D.D.
#7. Of course. Everyone should be.
#8. Somewhat.

6. Does everyone go with a date?
#1. Yes, but not so much as couples, more as friends.
#2. Less couples, more platonic friends.
#3. Duh. Of course, it pretty much looks bad if you don't.
#4. 98%
#5. Yes, because they were asked and are going with a date. But I'm not.
#6. Yeah, you want someone to take a picture with.
#7. I don't intrude in anyone else's business, therefore, I don't know.
#8. Yes. The date thing is a way to finally hang out with someone you've had a crush on all year and haven't asked.

I never minded chaperoning at prom when I was a teacher at MHS. It was always fun to see my students all dressed up , and who they came with. Seniors and Juniors, have a wonderful time this weekend, make memories and stay safe!!!! Remember boys, just do what the girls tell you to do and you'll all have a grand time! (see #4)
Oh, I just remembered another question I wish I had asked. Do you all still wear corsages and boutonnieres? I personally never got that wrist corsage of miniature roses and tiny daisies. John R. definitely did not follow instructions very well! My red carnations started at the wrist and ended up right at the crook of my elbow.

Happy Mother's Day

If you are the mother of a teen, you deserve a special award this Mother's Day. Here's why:

1. Teens can be trying at best, even the good ones. It takes super mom powers to not become a hydra at times or run out of the house pulling your hair and screaming as you head off to Wal Mart, "Why didn't you tell me you needed this for your school project before 10:00 at night???" Thanks so much for the many times you refrained from saying, "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." I appreciate you!

2. The laundry. Keeping up with a teen's laundry is a herculean task in itself. Teens change clothes three times a day and use a minimum of two towels. Hopefully, you have already taught your teen to do his/her own laundry, but I'm sure there are times when you would rather do it yourself than run the risk of your washing machine throwing a belt from being off balance for the thirtieth time. And thanks, too, for remembering to grab all the athletic paraphernalia that needs to be washed before the next match. Three's nothing worse than wearing already-been-used tennis socks or soccer jerseys. You're the best!

3. Coordination of dinner plans. This takes skills, but you've got 'em. Everyone's schedules are so hectic. Your daughter has cheerleading practice, your son has football, they both run off to a job afterwards. It can be maddening trying to figure out when to eat. Thanks for making or buying meals that can be reheated at 9:00 p.m. and then staying up to microwave them and enjoy a few moments of your teen's company before finally falling into bed for a little rest.

4. Grocery shopping. Didn't you just buy bread? Wasn't there just a new bag of unopened chips in the cabinet mere seconds ago? What happened to all the toilet paper! Provisions don't last long with a teen and his/her friends in the house. Keeping a running mental shopping list in one's head takes enormous brain power! You really are the smartest woman alive!

5. Chauffeuring. You would really rather be asleep, but your 15-year-old needs to be picked up at 11:30 p.m. at an obscure residence near Brushy Mountain you've never been to before. You forget your night blindness and drive the twenty miles out there anyway, because you don't want your child to be a social pariah!! You are the greatest mom ever!

6. Sporting Events and Other Lessons. You've driven your teen to so many practices that you practically have a den in the front passenger seat. You can fish out a bottle of water, a Jodi Piccoult novel, Handi Wipes, and some chocolate just from under the seat. You have sat all the way through 12 dance recitals. You know where every soccer field, football field, and tennis court is in Oklahoma and the fastest way to get there. You are queen of the road!

7. You got your teen this far in life. You have already been the mother of a baby, a toddler, an elementary child, a pre-teen and here you are, the mother of a teenager. It went by in the blink of an eye. Enjoy the rest of the journey and take heart - most of it won't be spent chauffeuring!

8. For always being there - no matter what.

Thanks, Mom, for all you do. Happy Mother's Day!

Our House is a Very, Very Very Fine House

Mel's last post struck a chord. School is out. One of my college age children is staying in Norman this summer but does not get her house until June 1st, so........everything comes home to be moved again in 3 weeks. The youngest will be here for the three months and as Mel advised, is taking a class or two at Connors and hopefully, working.

That empty nest thing was hard. I was really sad. Still am somedays. I miss them.

But the washer only goes one time a day when it's just my husband and me. A weekly trip to the grocery does it and we just make do with what's left by Thursday. Popcorn. A bowl of Cheerios. We're easy. The two of us can lock up and go to bed. I walk by rooms that beds are made, floors are clear and bathrooms are spic and span. Our house is orderly and organized. Our house is ship-shape. Our house is quiet. Our house is going to have a rude awakening come Friday.

Doors slamming with kids in and out. Piles of dirty clothes and dirty dishes. Big Gulps left sweating on the coffee table and cars leaking oil in the driveway. "There's nothing to eat here." or "Oh, I didn't know you were making dinner. I was going to meet the guys at My Place." Shows on the TV you did not even know or want to know were available on your satellite and music blaring through the sound system that rattles the rafters and vibrates the walls.

College Children= College Friends

I am convinced they all rotate through the summer vacation, time sharing each other's cabins, condo's and lake cottages. Our open invitation is on the Illinois River. Prior to arrival there are requests for "your Mom's Cheese dip", Buttermilk Brownie Sheetcake and Mexican Tabouli. Late nights conclude with limited sleeping arrangements. Bodies are draped on every available bed, couch and floor and those of us not on a nocturnal, college schedule must step gingerly and quietly the next morning.

A float trip on the Illinois is a usual activity at our cabin. This requires a scramble for enough inner-tubes and transporation to put everyone "in." The floaters return, sunburned and squishy, ready for showers and dinner. Blow dryers hum, wet towels pile up and endless sacks of Doritos and Chex Mix make their way to the deck with laughter and conversation. There is endless talk about the next plan and activities change with each new arrival.

Crazy? Yes. Complicated? Yes. Tiring? Definitely. How do I feel as they make their way north on I 40? Absolutely elated.

They are coming home for the summer. My children, home. I can hardly wait!

This Cheese Dip was long time Muskogee Grande Dame-Nancy Howard's. Before food processors she would make it in an upright mixer and beat it to the proper consistency for 45 minutes! A Food Processor makes it a snap. You can freeze it in small containers and let defrost overnight as needed. My kids, in a hurry, have even microwaved it but I don't recommend it. The Wagner household usually doesn't get any frozen as it is eaten within the weekend.

Nancy Howard's Cheese Dip

In a food processor fitted with the steel blade-chop one large yellow onion

add 6 cloves peeled garlic (or more)

juice of two lemons

1/3 cup pickled jalapenos (or more) do not use fresh!!

1 Tbsp Worchestire Sauce

1 Tbsp salt

Whir around until a mushy consistency

Now, alternately add 1 large box Velvetta, cut in cubes

with

2 cups of Hellman's Mayonnaise

and blend until smooth.

Serve with Fritos (This is important. I don't know why but Doritos

just don't taste as good)

I have used light Velvetta and light Hellman's but it's kind of like, why bother?

Enjoy!!!

What to Do, What to Do

Summer is quickly approaching and teenaged college students will be returning home from their freshman year. Apprehensions can be high for all parties having to acclimate themselves - parents having children in the house again and teens worried about having a curfew imposed on them after a year or two on their own.

What to do, what to do? It seems kind of silly to tell someone who has been living on their own for the past year what time to be home, after all, no one was there telling him/her to come home on time at college or to pick up the dirty towels.

But, good rules for communal living apply to everyone when a college student is living at home. These are just decent guidelines for living with people, regardless of whether they are family or college roommates. Here are some things to consider (see *disclaimer below):

1. Don't say "Because I said so." Making a big deal out of things will only cause hard feelings between you and your child. Take curfews, for instance. There isn't much to do in Muskogee after 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. that doesn't involve something stupid or illegal, but today's teens can hang out like nobody's business, all night even. I have yet to become accustomed to how late kids, almost all kids, want to stay out. Rather than making the issue about curfew, make it about common courtesy. Ask them to call if they are not coming home, but don't be mad if they wake you up to tell you! Reiterate that you aren't trying to run their lives or control them, but that everyone living in a household has to respect one rule - knowing where everyone is for the common safety of all. Just try turning off your cell phone for a day - or even a few hours - if you want them to get the point!!

2. Avoid saying, "Because this is my house," even though it really is your house. Point out that everyone shares the chores and the livingroom is not the repository of shoes, books, CDs, and dirty dishes. Again, common courtesy is the framework here.

3. Try not to say, "Because I pay the bills, that's why." It's true, but everyone knows it's true, too, so it's kind of redundant. Approach your teen on adult footing instead. Point out that these are "our" bills - money saved on airconditioning, not holding open the refrigerator door, and not leaving all those half-finished bottles of water, Coke, or Gatoraide around can help pay tuition for the next year, saving your child's money for some new kicks or an extra gallon of gas.

4. If you do have to say, "Because it's my house, I pay the bills, and I said so," say it with a laugh and with love. What you are really trying to do is teach your young adult how to live life correctly and moderately with healthy habits, even when you're not around. Rather than being accusatory ("Where were you all night last night?"), say, "It worries me that you will ruin your health staying out late and having to get up early to go to work (hopefully your teen will be gainfully employed)...or school (make use of Connor's summer classes for cheaper tuition)." Being accusatory keeps your child in a juvenile state in which you will indeed inevitably prove that he/she can't handle adult responsibility.

Summer will fly by and they will be off to school again in no time. And next summer they may not even come home at all. What to do? Enjoy them while they are here and don't sweat the small stuff. It's the only right thing to do.

*There are some obvious exceptions, for instance, if your child has a drug or alcohol problem and is stealing money from your purse or bringing home dangerous people late at night after you have gone to bed. It IS your house and you can't allow that for your own safety and peace of mind.

Also, call me old fashioned, but I really do have a problem with girls/women being out late at night alone. So many things can happen to a young woman, from a flat tire to a stalker, but they are intrepid these days, and their independence can lull them into a dangerous complacency. You don't want them to be paranoid, but you do want to teach them to be observant of their surroundings. That report on women's intuition is true - if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right.