Through a Father's Eyes

Father's Day. All over America Dads are eagerly anticipating yet another tie, plaster hand print or a power tool they will never use. That's OK. It's the thought that counts and it's the giver that makes any offering special. Just smile and accept your World's Greatest Dad T-shirt eagerly and gracefully. Oh, and do try to wear it at least once before it goes to that shelf in the back of your closet. You know the place. It houses the singing bass plaque and the umpteenth traveling coffee mug that doesn't tip over.

Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.

Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.

Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.

OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?

Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

If You're A Dad.........

Father's Day is Sunday. As Bill Cosby says, " Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap- on- a- rope." Be prepared to ooh and ahh over bad ties, books you will never read and yet another set of Bar-B-Que tools.

You men are just hard to buy for. A popular bumper sticker is, "the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys." A Transformer or Spiderman Web Thrower is do-able, an Arctic Cat or new Bass boat is usually not. As you open the Father's Day presents this year, look at the real gifts, grinning back at you. The smiling faces of your children.

Dad means a lot of different things today. Have you ever thought about what Father means at your house? Good Dad is active, participating, encouraging and involved. Passive, sidelined, negative and pre-occupied is Bad Dad. These little people called children are like sponges. The learn what they live. Fathers are 1/2 the factor that determines the men and women our children will become. Kind of sobering isn't it?

Let me turn this gift thing around. How about this Father's Day, you re-evaluate the Dad you are. After some introspection, if all things seem copacetic, good for you. If little alarm bells are going off, good for you too. Identifying potential Bad Dad baggage is half the battle. The beauty is, your children love you so much, they are ready, willing and able to let you re-program.

The first gift to give our children is a Father and Mother who love and respect each other. This is a unified couple that kids know they can depend on and who model a good marriage. A good marriage takes work and commitment. A good marriage is not a perfect marriage, but through good and bad times, children see their parents work things out, together.

Other important gifts we give our kids are a moral compass and a good work ethic. A strong and unwavering belief system of right and wrong is imperative in a family. How we "do things" and how we contribute as human beings should be assimilated as children grow and mature. Also, to succeed and live abundantly requires discipline and hard work. Children should know all things are not given, whether it be material possessions, success in school or respect from the world who watches us.

Maybe the hardest one of all is the gift of time. Dinner at the table. Conversation over a carburetor. Dad taking his 13 year old daughter to the mall for a shopping trip. Television's off. Game Boards out. Less golf on Saturday. More family time, doing what you mutually enjoy, together. Give Mom a night off and Dad and kids cook dinner. Plan road trips. Build a fort or a playhouse together. Splurge on tickets to anything you and (or) your children love- George Strait, a Muscle Car Show, a Daddy and Me Dance, a traveling Broadway musical, a museum exhibit....broaden their vision of the world and at the same time, they will always associate the experience with you.

Teach faith. Live healthy. Speak kindly. Give generously. Model success. Speak the truth. Love unconditionally. Encourage and exhort. Laugh often. Discipline fairly. Be consistent. Be trustworthy. Sacrifice. Be open. Keep growing. Listen.....and keep learning

Freud said he could not think of anything in childhood as strong as the need to feel protected by one's Father. If you are a Father, take the time to tell your children you love them. Tell them why you are proud of who they are and what they are becoming. Plan something to do together. Your child needs to hear and believe in all the world, they are your #1 priority. Of course they are, but sometimes, as living gets so complicated, it's easy to forget.