This last week was a momentous one in my family. Our second grandchild and first grandson was born on Wednesday morning. I am delighted to report, Mother and baby, Father and sister, all doing fine.
The hour may have been early, the trip to Tulsa dark and cold, but just like the swallows, my clan converged on the hospital. New babies are a big event with my group and congregate we did. One brother (with sweet girl-friend in tow) drove in from Oklahoma City, and another brother and sister skipped classes and jobs in Norman for their nephew's arrival. Before the day was out, great Uncles and Aunts, cousins and family friends all cheerfully ignored the no visitors signs and met our newest family member. My daughter was delighted to show him off and commented how blessed and grateful she was to have so many special people in her life.
I have to be honest. No Hallmark card here. At 5:30 in the morning, we were a pretty motley crew. All of us were continually shushed by the patient and long-suffering staff. My boys were running down the halls giving High Fives to the religious figure of Jesus who was there to bless the penitent and hurting. I finally grabbed my 25 year old and told him if he gave Jesus five one more time, he was actually going to need a prayer and healing.
In the waiting room, I wish you could have seen the patriarch of the family, my husband, arguing with his granddaughter and other young friends over channel choices. It was no contest of course. Fox and Friends was quickly replaced by Dora the Explorer. The two-year-old sister of newest arrival decided at some point in the morning she was no longer potty trained. Enough said except that proper provisions had not been made for her hygiene choice.
That Kodak moment of seeing our baby through the glass, proudly displayed by his beaming Daddy was real enough. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. That was until the male members of the audience began commenting on physical attributes and family resemblances. There still were no dry eyes but it was because everyone was laughing so hard.
When the baby was brought back to the room, the feeding frenzy began. We likened it to who gets the drumstick at Thanksgiving. The proud parents were needless to say a little reticent to pass their 2 hour old infant around but their good manners prevailed over good sense and we all got to hold him for a minute or two. It was particularly awkward with our youngest son as he was in the middle of a week long fraternity initiation. This pledge had been wearing the same pair of socks and underwear for 7 days. His sister and brother-in-law's stipulation? Lots of hand-washing and several blankets between said sibling and his nephew.
My husband and I kept staring across the room at each other. Family. Our Family. Not perfect but perfect to us. In midlife people you love start to get a rosy aura around them. You are old enough to appreciate the miracle of it all and old enough to disregard what you need to. Just like childbirth, labor is forgotten and you only remember the joy.
You may be scratching your head at this point. What does this have to do with Mel and my column? Everything. I promise. Life just keeps getting better with your children. From toddlers to teens, appreciate the good times and when the times get bumpy, (as they will) keep your eyes on the prize- a healthy and loving relationship with your children for the rest of your life.
Joe White says that parenting wasn't designed as an experience to simply survive. We were meant to celebrate it...to succeed in it...to weep in both the hurts and the joys...and leave nothing behind to regret. No greater adventure are we offered and no greater responsibility do we accept than that of raising the next generation. Hats off to all of us who are trying so hard to do it right. And isn't that the best we can do?
My group never travels anywhere without provisions. Ever. One of our favorites passed around the hospital room were these cookies. (a specific request from my son-in-law.)
Oh-Mommy's Oatmeal Cookies
Cream together: 1/2 cup butter, 1/2 cup Crisco, with 1 cup sugar and 1 cup brown sugar
Add: 2 eggs and 1 tsp good vanilla
Sift together: 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp soda and stir into wet ingredients
Add: 2 cups golden raisins and 3 cups quick cooking oats
Bake: 350 degrees for approximately 10 minutes
Makes: Approx 6 dozen small cookies
19 comments:
Congrats! What's the little guy's name?
He is named after his Father and Grandfather but right now, "sweet baby" seems to be perfect. Thanks for asking.
well mrs.wagner, i think that is one of the best stories a family can charish and remember for ever, some would say that you have a perfect family, others well probably would say the same. congrats and keep on posting its fun to the progression.
correction last line its fun to the SEE the progression
loved this!! so fun to imagine the scene that day. I bet it is always hopping when all you people get together. How do so many still like each other? My family can't get along so we don't get to share too much or we end up in another deal or drama. It is frustrating. Forgive and forget right? Wrong.
neither one of you looks like a grandma which is which?
Seems just like yesterday that I was the young mom and my parents were looking at the baby in awe. Time does fly, doesn't it? Now that my children are young adults, I know that in the future I will be the one looking through the glass at the new arrival. Wow.
Suzie Eller
Suzie, you're right. I keep feeling like I need to burst into "Sunrise-Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. I remember my Mom telling me to not wish my kids away....as in, "can't wait til he walks," "can't wait til she can take dance lessons," "can't wait until he plays tennis in high school".. She was right. Time keeps going faster and faster.
Anonymous, Thanks for that sweet comment. It didn't go unnoticed.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! What a wonderful thing to read! Thank you so much for sharing!
I needed more than you can know to read just this very sort of post.
Today, my G-son and I had quite a blow-up. He has a very irritating habit of speaking to us as though we are ignorant and beneath him.Very snotty demeanor. He seems to need constant friction in the house. I believe it is his way of recreating what he was used to. I can deal with most of it, most of the time, but today, I was very tired, and he made just one too many snotty remarks and I lost it. ( It was probably good for him). I had been sitting here feeling sorry for myself and wondering how on earth I can survive the next few years. To be honest,,I was wondering if I really want too finish raising this child.... Thats how bad things are sometimes with him.
But I read your post and I begin to remember the day I found out I was going to be a Grandmother. I remembered the day he was born.I remembered keeping him at my house the day he got out of the hospital, because "his Mother was tired and his Dad was too sleepy).. I remembered the day I had to take custody of him when he was 1 month old. And I remember the pain I endured one year later when the court system gave him back to his Mother. I remembered the promise I made to him that day. Though he could not understand a word of what I said, I held his sweet pudgy baby body close to me, and I promised I would always be here for him. I promised him I would take care of him and watch over him no matter what and God and his Angles would care for him when I could not. And that is what family does. We take care of one another no matter what. We don't just love each other when times are good. We love each other through the bad times too. Sometimes, one of us loses our way, and when we do, we need to know then, more than ever, that someone loves us anyway...NO MATTER WHAT!....
CaveDweller, I read this post second, so I responded on the next post first, but I wish I had read this one first. You are the best grandmother ever! I think you are right that he is recreating what he knows and is a familiar interaction by acting out and causing drama. Sometimes getting angry can shock someone into taking you seriously, if it is not your normal modus operandi, and there's nothing wrong with losing it every once in awhile - we're only human. But, you are right - remembering how much you love this child will keep you in focus. Another thing my wise friend used to say is "this too shall pass," and she was right, it did.
Oh Cavedweller, you made my day. Thank you for the affirming words. I am convinced that children raised in chaos have a harder time functioning in order...your grandson is relearning how to trust, what a gift you are giving him.
Have you all gone through any counseling both as care givers and as a family? It seems to help lots of families who are struggling + having A 3rd person to just listen is a great outlet.
Mel and I are glad to listen too!!!
Ah yes! "This too Shall Pass"....I love that phrase! I have used it many times in my life...
To answer your question about counseling; Yes, Grandson is in counseling and we have had some family counseling as well. We are currently in counseling.
I thank you so much for your kind words and support. I feel blessed to have found the two of you...
CaveDwellers
You are so fun to read and so real. WOuld have loved to be a fly on the wall. I am surprised your boys weren't escorted to the exit by nuns that morning, though i'm sure Jesus himself was pretty amused with your "homeboys".
No one even came to the hospital when I had my kid....not even it's Father. We re doing ok though but it would be nice to have someone to talk to about this baby stuff.
I read the handouts they gave me at the hospital and when i get a chance to get on a computer, i can look things up. I keep telling myslef that lots of babies have madeit by mom's jsut doing what it feels like they should do. everybody who has family and friends to help, you better appreceate it!
Kindasad - you are going to need a support of some kind. You are right, though, many people have made it without anyone, but I can't imagine how incredibly hard that is. You've got guts. You must be a really courageous and strong person! But, if you need to talk or ask questions, just email us. We're here.
I agree with Mel. Do not do this alone. There are groups out there to help you. Many churches in this community have Mom's Groups. They offer child care and you can share with each other. Also, through sunday school classes you can meet people. The County Health should have classes available. Call them. If you are on WIC, your contact person should have advice. Have you thought about contacting someone in your family? Maybe not even an immediate family member but someone you can relate to? Don't be shy about talking to other young mother's at your apartment or in your neighborhood. It helps!! Your local hospital may offer parenting classes. (Coping Classes is more like it!) If you truly feel overwhelmed, call a mental health agency for advice-don't hesitate, your baby depends on you.
it is better. i quit being so stubborn and called my aunt. She took me to her church and has kept my baby some. (She let me use her computer) The church people gave me lots of baby things and seem glad when we come to church. It is nice to leave him in the nursery and go be with people kind of my age. One lady there has a day care so wehn I find a job, I woudl not be scared to leave him with her. Cross your fingers I find one this week. (a job)
Not as sad,
I am so glad you got back with us. I will cross my fingers about that job. Have you been exploring agencies available to help you in your town? Keep reaching out to people, it will be better for you and better for your baby. Call DHS for names and lists.
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