Did you read the article in the Muskogee Phoenix today entitled Facebook fixes grammar (Monday, June 30, 2007)? The story came over the AP wire (click on highlighted link to read AP story) and has made a small ripple in the world that could have major literacy impact for future generations of text messagers and Facebook savvy young people everywhere.
For a couple of years now educators have been a voice crying in the desert about the spelling and grammar ability of today's teens, undercut by the informal writing used in text messaging and other digital communication. Shortcut slang spelling and grammar have debilitated many teens' ability or willingness to use grammatically correct English, a very bad habit that quickly takes over like kudzu. It has even been theorized that writing a term paper in text messaging could be the only way to reach some teens.
But, now Facebook itself is coming to the rescue of teen communication woes by instituting, of all things, grammar rules! The major obstacle in Facebook's opinion is the use of "their" for the singular he/she, a rule many of us abuse in our colloquial speaking. Evidently, as Facebook expands out to other languages, the plural forms must agree with the gender of the speaker, making "their" a non-option.
Well, let's face it, other languages are more specific than English, but this is a major coup for civilization at large. It may mean that literacy can be saved, that one's Turabian guide to grammar is not defunct, and that the MLA or APA rules for research paper documentation will survive the digital age after all. It means that order will prevail over chaos.
This Facebook realization that pronouns and nouns must agree in gender signals hope for American literacy. It lends veracity to high school English teachers everywhere who can now say to those teens wondering how or why they would ever have to know subject/verb agreement, "Because you even have to use it on Facebook, that's why." Now that's the ultimate connection between learning and relevancy. Way to go, Facebook.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Talking to Teens About Death
Death is a topic that makes most people uneasy, probably because it reminds us that it will happen to us one day. The ancient Romans called those little reminders of death memento mori, mosaics of skulls always reminding us to seize the day.
A young person's first acquaintance with death is usually a grandparent's passing, often in the teen years. Death invokes a multitude of feelings in teenagers, often triggering the flight response, denial, or other more serious emotional reactions.
Talking to teens and young adults about death is never easy. Their solution is often to hurry up and get to the next party, so they won't have to think about it. But, talking teens through these difficult times will help them become adept at dealing with death, a skill that is so necessary given the fact that everyone we know will die one day.
Many people wonder if they should make their teen visit a dying relative. That is a personal decision, but I would generally say that if the teen is very young, you might want to avoid that, especially depending on the condition of the loved one, e.g. the person is in dire pain. For older teens, I always think there are no do-overs on death. Regret at not saying goodbye because of cowardice or fear is often a source of other emotions later, such as guilt. No regrets is the best exit strategy any of us can hope for, but don't force your child into a traumatic situation.
The NEMOURS Foundation I mentioned in my last post has a section on discussing all kinds of death with teens. (click on highlighted link to view it) Teens are excitable and it is difficult to predict how they will react to the death of a grandparent, parent, friend, or classmate. Sometimes even the death of a mere acquaintance is difficult for them to deal with and the circumstances can aggravate their ability to handle the situation. Schools have developed very good counseling programs for helping students deal with the death of a classmate (or any death with which a student may be struggling) and make their services available to students.
The University of Tennessee has a very good guide for parents and caretakers of young people. Among the topics is a comparison of questions children ask about death as opposed to those teens ask. A child will ask if the death is his/her fault or if he/she is going to die too. A teen may ask why he/she can't feel anything or if it is still okay to have fun without feeling guilty. (click on the above highlighted link to be taken directly there) An important thing to watch for are signs of depression and grieving that goes on too long.
Our children will be looking to us to understand how to deal with death. The best we can do is understand our own feelings about it and act out of love and wisdom. Celebrating life whenever possible can help put balance and perspective into death. Maybe the ancient Romans had something there - carpe diem.
A young person's first acquaintance with death is usually a grandparent's passing, often in the teen years. Death invokes a multitude of feelings in teenagers, often triggering the flight response, denial, or other more serious emotional reactions.
Talking to teens and young adults about death is never easy. Their solution is often to hurry up and get to the next party, so they won't have to think about it. But, talking teens through these difficult times will help them become adept at dealing with death, a skill that is so necessary given the fact that everyone we know will die one day.
Many people wonder if they should make their teen visit a dying relative. That is a personal decision, but I would generally say that if the teen is very young, you might want to avoid that, especially depending on the condition of the loved one, e.g. the person is in dire pain. For older teens, I always think there are no do-overs on death. Regret at not saying goodbye because of cowardice or fear is often a source of other emotions later, such as guilt. No regrets is the best exit strategy any of us can hope for, but don't force your child into a traumatic situation.
The NEMOURS Foundation I mentioned in my last post has a section on discussing all kinds of death with teens. (click on highlighted link to view it) Teens are excitable and it is difficult to predict how they will react to the death of a grandparent, parent, friend, or classmate. Sometimes even the death of a mere acquaintance is difficult for them to deal with and the circumstances can aggravate their ability to handle the situation. Schools have developed very good counseling programs for helping students deal with the death of a classmate (or any death with which a student may be struggling) and make their services available to students.
The University of Tennessee has a very good guide for parents and caretakers of young people. Among the topics is a comparison of questions children ask about death as opposed to those teens ask. A child will ask if the death is his/her fault or if he/she is going to die too. A teen may ask why he/she can't feel anything or if it is still okay to have fun without feeling guilty. (click on the above highlighted link to be taken directly there) An important thing to watch for are signs of depression and grieving that goes on too long.
Our children will be looking to us to understand how to deal with death. The best we can do is understand our own feelings about it and act out of love and wisdom. Celebrating life whenever possible can help put balance and perspective into death. Maybe the ancient Romans had something there - carpe diem.
Monday, June 23, 2008
A Good Thing To Know
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I had the opportunity last week to take a CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) refresher course. I was horrified that the last time I had taken CPR was at least 26 years ago. Luckily, no situation has required I remember the emergency procedures. Procedures, I might add, that were learned at a building that no longer exists and a method that no longer is recommended by the Red Cross. The last time I took CPR, we all took turns giving mouth to mouth on our dummies with no thought to the infamous "body fluids". My how times have changed.
The practice dolls are the same but one now uses a plastic shield that is between the dummy's mouth and the student's. It is advised to carry one on your key chain should a CPR emergency arise. Those around me all agreed locating the protective shield would probably not be first on our To-Do list if someone was not breathing and turning blue. Our instructor did reiterate that communicable diseases are rarely transmitted through saliva but the shield was recommended if time permitted.
The smallest doll was sobering. Not that I wasn't concerned when my own children were small, but somehow imagining my grandchildren in an emergency situation was terrifying. All of a sudden swimming pools, dinnertime and electrical appliances became objects of concern. Learning the methods for both Infant CPR and Infant Choking was a good thing. Reviewing all the Red Cross Emergency procedures is an even better thing.
What follows is a very brief overview of emergency procedures. It is not a substitute for training by a certified Red Cross CPR instructor. Body positions, methods and location and applications are best learned visually. A CPR class at your local Red Cross would be a great use of vacation time for you and your teen. Just like smoke alarms, CPR is something you hope you will never use but always be glad you have.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. CHECK
CHECK THE SCENE FOR SAFETY , then
CHECK THE PERSON FOR CONSCIOUSNESS
Get permission to give care
Tap shoulder and shout, "Are you okay?"
2. CALL
IF NO RESPONSE, CALL 911 or have someone else call
IF YOU ARE ALONE AND CARING FOR AN INFANT OR CHILD-
And you witnessed the child suddenly collapse CALL 911
If you did not see the child or infant suddenly collapse, give 2 minutes of CARE and then
call 911.
3. CARE
OPEN THE AIRWAY (tilt the head back and lift the chin)
CHECK FOR SIGNS OF LIFE (movement and breathing) for no
more than 10 seconds
IF NO BREATHING, give 2 rescue breaths and begin CPR
IF BREATHING NORMALLY, roll onto one side while waiting for help to arrive.
IF NO SIGNS OF LIFE, GIVE CPR
INFANT CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths -
ADULT AND CHILD CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths
CONTINUE CPR UNTIL
Scene becomes unsafe
You find an obvious sign of life
AED is ready to use
You are too exhausted to continue
Trained responder arrives and takes over
CHOKING
IF coughing, encourage person to continue coughing
Send someone to call 911
Get permission to give care
INFANT
If infant cannot cough, cry or breathe
Putting infant face down toward your knee, supporting with arm, give 5 back blows
If the object is not thrust out, turn infant, supporting head with hand and back with arm-
give 5 chest thrusts, using two fingers.
ADULT AND CHILD CHOKING
IF adult or child cannot talk, cough or breathe-
Bend victim over at waist, give 5 back blows
If the object is not forced out, give 5 quick, upward abdominal thrusts
Continue sets of back blows and chest or abdominal thrusts until-
*object is forced out
*Person can breathe or cough forcefully
*Person becomes unconscious. Perform CPR. Between giving 30 compressions and 2 breaths, look for an object and and remove if one is seen.
Note: The universal sign for choking is both hands around the throat, palms open.
American Red Cross first aid, CPR and AED training can give you the skills and confidence to act in an emergency. Call your local chapter or go to www.redcross.org for more information.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I had the opportunity last week to take a CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) refresher course. I was horrified that the last time I had taken CPR was at least 26 years ago. Luckily, no situation has required I remember the emergency procedures. Procedures, I might add, that were learned at a building that no longer exists and a method that no longer is recommended by the Red Cross. The last time I took CPR, we all took turns giving mouth to mouth on our dummies with no thought to the infamous "body fluids". My how times have changed.
The practice dolls are the same but one now uses a plastic shield that is between the dummy's mouth and the student's. It is advised to carry one on your key chain should a CPR emergency arise. Those around me all agreed locating the protective shield would probably not be first on our To-Do list if someone was not breathing and turning blue. Our instructor did reiterate that communicable diseases are rarely transmitted through saliva but the shield was recommended if time permitted.
The smallest doll was sobering. Not that I wasn't concerned when my own children were small, but somehow imagining my grandchildren in an emergency situation was terrifying. All of a sudden swimming pools, dinnertime and electrical appliances became objects of concern. Learning the methods for both Infant CPR and Infant Choking was a good thing. Reviewing all the Red Cross Emergency procedures is an even better thing.
What follows is a very brief overview of emergency procedures. It is not a substitute for training by a certified Red Cross CPR instructor. Body positions, methods and location and applications are best learned visually. A CPR class at your local Red Cross would be a great use of vacation time for you and your teen. Just like smoke alarms, CPR is something you hope you will never use but always be glad you have.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. CHECK
CHECK THE SCENE FOR SAFETY , then
CHECK THE PERSON FOR CONSCIOUSNESS
Get permission to give care
Tap shoulder and shout, "Are you okay?"
2. CALL
IF NO RESPONSE, CALL 911 or have someone else call
IF YOU ARE ALONE AND CARING FOR AN INFANT OR CHILD-
And you witnessed the child suddenly collapse CALL 911
If you did not see the child or infant suddenly collapse, give 2 minutes of CARE and then
call 911.
3. CARE
OPEN THE AIRWAY (tilt the head back and lift the chin)
CHECK FOR SIGNS OF LIFE (movement and breathing) for no
more than 10 seconds
IF NO BREATHING, give 2 rescue breaths and begin CPR
IF BREATHING NORMALLY, roll onto one side while waiting for help to arrive.
IF NO SIGNS OF LIFE, GIVE CPR
INFANT CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths -
ADULT AND CHILD CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths
CONTINUE CPR UNTIL
Scene becomes unsafe
You find an obvious sign of life
AED is ready to use
You are too exhausted to continue
Trained responder arrives and takes over
CHOKING
IF coughing, encourage person to continue coughing
Send someone to call 911
Get permission to give care
INFANT
If infant cannot cough, cry or breathe
Putting infant face down toward your knee, supporting with arm, give 5 back blows
If the object is not thrust out, turn infant, supporting head with hand and back with arm-
give 5 chest thrusts, using two fingers.
ADULT AND CHILD CHOKING
IF adult or child cannot talk, cough or breathe-
Bend victim over at waist, give 5 back blows
If the object is not forced out, give 5 quick, upward abdominal thrusts
Continue sets of back blows and chest or abdominal thrusts until-
*object is forced out
*Person can breathe or cough forcefully
*Person becomes unconscious. Perform CPR. Between giving 30 compressions and 2 breaths, look for an object and and remove if one is seen.
Note: The universal sign for choking is both hands around the throat, palms open.
American Red Cross first aid, CPR and AED training can give you the skills and confidence to act in an emergency. Call your local chapter or go to www.redcross.org for more information.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Monday, June 16, 2008
How Do I Look?
I loved Mel's observation about how we dress as Mothers and how our children react to our choices. Just last weekend I proudly sported my new yoga outfit made out of up-to-date and politically correct bamboo fabric. I entered the room with a spring in my step. Whoops. I was instantly aware of some kind of error. How? By the exchange of glances between both my daughters.
"What's wrong?" I asked. " Isn't this OK?"
"It's really cute Mom."
"But......?"
Another quick non-verbal exchange between my two fashionistas.
"For heaven's sake Mom...." begins one,
"Do not wear the shirt tucked in!" finishes the other.
Whoa. Wouldn't that have been a fashion disaster?
Purses. There's another mistake waiting to happen. I pick one up. It looks like all the ones I see in the magazines. Feels nice. Price is right. I expectantly turn to daughter #1 with said bag in my hand. Her look of abject horror freezes me in mid-gesture. I turn and gingerly replace the shunned handbag back with it's outcast companions.
Then there is the dreaded, "it looks like a Mom outfit." What in the world does that mean? Are we talking Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family? Her polyestered and orthopedic shod character is not exactly my fashion goal in these middle years. Could it be the spandexed and big-haired Peg portrayed in Married with Children? Or are my off-spring referring to a June Cleaver Mom, perfect shirt waist and pearls with the always present plate of fresh baked cookies?
I think we all want to look our age but fashionable and pulled together. When my children were small, I was just glad to have my hair brushed and something without spit- up or dog hair on it. Now that there is more time to shop, I don't know what to buy. Is it too short? Too tight? Too young? Too old? How to dress well and dress age appropriately?
Instinct my dear, instinct. I stay away from anything with an elastic waist band or that says 100% polyester. If I wore something similar 20 years ago, (say prairie skirt and cowboy boots), I'll leave that fashion statement as a happy memory and make another choice. Shoulder pads and leg warmers would be another no-no. If I'm not sure I want to walk out of the dressing room, I'll leave the culprit on the hanger. Indecision for those of us of a certain age is a good warning sign. Run!!!
Of course I have excellent stylists on my staff. Daughters Annie and Catherine have proven they are usually right in the "What Not To Wear" department. I trust their judgement because they love me and want me to look my best. Their Father would say I looked great if I came out in a trash bag and army boots. (His only observation is usually, "what did it cost?")
As Moms, we will try to not embarrass you too much. We won't wear our black leather bell bottoms from 1982 or at the other end of the spectrum, that denim jumper that goes down to our ankles. You know the one. It has embroidered apples with each of our children's names painted on the front. We will read In Style magazine, especially the pages that cover the fashion tips for our age group. We'll watch the Fashion Make-Over shows and identify our own possible "style" weaknesses. We will really, really try. But sometimes, just sometimes, we may have to pull a ringer. A T-shirt from a long ago Eagles Concert, a vintage monogrammed sweater tied around our shoulders, red Keds sneakers, overalls with a peace sign sewn on.................it's OK. You don't have to act like you know us! We understand. We all had Mothers too.
"What's wrong?" I asked. " Isn't this OK?"
"It's really cute Mom."
"But......?"
Another quick non-verbal exchange between my two fashionistas.
"For heaven's sake Mom...." begins one,
"Do not wear the shirt tucked in!" finishes the other.
Whoa. Wouldn't that have been a fashion disaster?
Purses. There's another mistake waiting to happen. I pick one up. It looks like all the ones I see in the magazines. Feels nice. Price is right. I expectantly turn to daughter #1 with said bag in my hand. Her look of abject horror freezes me in mid-gesture. I turn and gingerly replace the shunned handbag back with it's outcast companions.
Then there is the dreaded, "it looks like a Mom outfit." What in the world does that mean? Are we talking Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family? Her polyestered and orthopedic shod character is not exactly my fashion goal in these middle years. Could it be the spandexed and big-haired Peg portrayed in Married with Children? Or are my off-spring referring to a June Cleaver Mom, perfect shirt waist and pearls with the always present plate of fresh baked cookies?
I think we all want to look our age but fashionable and pulled together. When my children were small, I was just glad to have my hair brushed and something without spit- up or dog hair on it. Now that there is more time to shop, I don't know what to buy. Is it too short? Too tight? Too young? Too old? How to dress well and dress age appropriately?
Instinct my dear, instinct. I stay away from anything with an elastic waist band or that says 100% polyester. If I wore something similar 20 years ago, (say prairie skirt and cowboy boots), I'll leave that fashion statement as a happy memory and make another choice. Shoulder pads and leg warmers would be another no-no. If I'm not sure I want to walk out of the dressing room, I'll leave the culprit on the hanger. Indecision for those of us of a certain age is a good warning sign. Run!!!
Of course I have excellent stylists on my staff. Daughters Annie and Catherine have proven they are usually right in the "What Not To Wear" department. I trust their judgement because they love me and want me to look my best. Their Father would say I looked great if I came out in a trash bag and army boots. (His only observation is usually, "what did it cost?")
As Moms, we will try to not embarrass you too much. We won't wear our black leather bell bottoms from 1982 or at the other end of the spectrum, that denim jumper that goes down to our ankles. You know the one. It has embroidered apples with each of our children's names painted on the front. We will read In Style magazine, especially the pages that cover the fashion tips for our age group. We'll watch the Fashion Make-Over shows and identify our own possible "style" weaknesses. We will really, really try. But sometimes, just sometimes, we may have to pull a ringer. A T-shirt from a long ago Eagles Concert, a vintage monogrammed sweater tied around our shoulders, red Keds sneakers, overalls with a peace sign sewn on.................it's OK. You don't have to act like you know us! We understand. We all had Mothers too.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Nemours Website for Teens
Today's blog will be short. It is about a great site I found for teens sponsored by the NEMOURS Foundation, which was founded by the Alfred DuPont in 1936 as a medical resource for children. (Click on the highlighted links to be taken straight to the web page and check it out now.)
This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.
While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.
There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.
Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!
This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.
While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.
There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.
Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Through a Father's Eyes
Father's Day. All over America Dads are eagerly anticipating yet another tie, plaster hand print or a power tool they will never use. That's OK. It's the thought that counts and it's the giver that makes any offering special. Just smile and accept your World's Greatest Dad T-shirt eagerly and gracefully. Oh, and do try to wear it at least once before it goes to that shelf in the back of your closet. You know the place. It houses the singing bass plaque and the umpteenth traveling coffee mug that doesn't tip over.
Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.
Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.
Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.
OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?
Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.
Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.
Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.
OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?
Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Friday, June 6, 2008
Mom, What Are You Wearing?!!
Is anyone besides me old enough to remember the Betty Davis movie Mrs. Skiffington? It's about the mother of a teenaged daughter who vies for the attention of her daughter's would-be beaus, failing to realize in her narcissism that she is getting older and it's not about her anymore. What a shock when she finds out she's unwanted and uncool!
That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.
Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.
Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!
Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.
1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.
2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!
3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...
4. Now a list of don'ts:
That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.
Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.
Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!
Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.
1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.
2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!
3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...
4. Now a list of don'ts:
- Don't wear your clothes too small - that will actually make you look larger than you want to look, because it appears that you don't fit into your clothes.
- Don't try to wear clothes that are too young for you. Obvious reasons, some involving the words "laughing stock." Maybe experiment while on vacation around strangers...
- Don't wear styles you love, but that look horrible on you. The style may be wonderful and you may want it to look fantastic on you, but sometimes things just do not look good on our bodies and should not be attempted.
- Don't buy overly into the fads. You want to get the most longevity out of your clothes, but if you have to buy new ones every year because your old ones look really dated after six months, you are wasting money in the long run. Buy one faddish piece just for style, but find a cheaper knock-off of the expensive one.
- Also, don't buy something just because you're desperate. It rarely ever works out and doesn't advance your cause. Save your money, styles change quickly and something will come along.
- Don't wear a uniform, but do have pieces in basic colors you can mix and match. Black, white and khaki are timeless. Which brings me to jeans...
- Don't wear a bad pair of jeans. Bad is anything that looks like you bought it at the Gap in 1992 when you weighed only 105 lbs. Bad makes your gut and butt look larger than life. A great pair of jeans does not have to cost $150, it just has to fit you.
- And finally, don't show too much cleavage, especially around middle school boys. That goes along with not talking about breast feeding your son in front of his friends. Everyone knows moms have boobs, even attractive ones, but they don't necessarily want to think about it. Unless you're J-Lo, save your cleavage for the Saturday night date with your significant other and spare your kids the anxiety.
Socrates said it best, know thyself. If you know your style and what feels good on you, wear it, because you will feel good and look beautiful. Just keep in mind another ancient adage - the times change and we must change with them. Updating your look just a little shows your family you care what they think of you. Your goal is for your kids to not dread the sight of you walking up in front of their friends. Ultimately, the love and care you put into yourself will be reflected back into your family. You still may be a dork at times, but secretly your kids will understand and appreciate how really, really cool you are, no matter what you're wearing!
Monday, June 2, 2008
It Saves Dollars and Makes Sense
Summer is here and the "Care and Feeding" of teenagers changes it's focus. Breakfast before school and dinner at 6:00 is replaced with breakfast before noon and dinner before dark. Additionally, teens have a tendency to want to eat out and eat out often. It has become more the norm in our society than the exception. Dining is hardly even a social activity anymore. How can there be conversation around a meal when someone is eating a taco with one hand and driving with the other? More importantly, how healthy are teens fast food choices?
Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.
Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.
Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.
Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.
Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.
Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil
Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed
Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!
Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.
Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.
Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.
Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.
Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.
Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil
Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed
Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!
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