I loved Mel's observation about how we dress as Mothers and how our children react to our choices. Just last weekend I proudly sported my new yoga outfit made out of up-to-date and politically correct bamboo fabric. I entered the room with a spring in my step. Whoops. I was instantly aware of some kind of error. How? By the exchange of glances between both my daughters.
"What's wrong?" I asked. " Isn't this OK?"
"It's really cute Mom."
"But......?"
Another quick non-verbal exchange between my two fashionistas.
"For heaven's sake Mom...." begins one,
"Do not wear the shirt tucked in!" finishes the other.
Whoa. Wouldn't that have been a fashion disaster?
Purses. There's another mistake waiting to happen. I pick one up. It looks like all the ones I see in the magazines. Feels nice. Price is right. I expectantly turn to daughter #1 with said bag in my hand. Her look of abject horror freezes me in mid-gesture. I turn and gingerly replace the shunned handbag back with it's outcast companions.
Then there is the dreaded, "it looks like a Mom outfit." What in the world does that mean? Are we talking Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family? Her polyestered and orthopedic shod character is not exactly my fashion goal in these middle years. Could it be the spandexed and big-haired Peg portrayed in Married with Children? Or are my off-spring referring to a June Cleaver Mom, perfect shirt waist and pearls with the always present plate of fresh baked cookies?
I think we all want to look our age but fashionable and pulled together. When my children were small, I was just glad to have my hair brushed and something without spit- up or dog hair on it. Now that there is more time to shop, I don't know what to buy. Is it too short? Too tight? Too young? Too old? How to dress well and dress age appropriately?
Instinct my dear, instinct. I stay away from anything with an elastic waist band or that says 100% polyester. If I wore something similar 20 years ago, (say prairie skirt and cowboy boots), I'll leave that fashion statement as a happy memory and make another choice. Shoulder pads and leg warmers would be another no-no. If I'm not sure I want to walk out of the dressing room, I'll leave the culprit on the hanger. Indecision for those of us of a certain age is a good warning sign. Run!!!
Of course I have excellent stylists on my staff. Daughters Annie and Catherine have proven they are usually right in the "What Not To Wear" department. I trust their judgement because they love me and want me to look my best. Their Father would say I looked great if I came out in a trash bag and army boots. (His only observation is usually, "what did it cost?")
As Moms, we will try to not embarrass you too much. We won't wear our black leather bell bottoms from 1982 or at the other end of the spectrum, that denim jumper that goes down to our ankles. You know the one. It has embroidered apples with each of our children's names painted on the front. We will read In Style magazine, especially the pages that cover the fashion tips for our age group. We'll watch the Fashion Make-Over shows and identify our own possible "style" weaknesses. We will really, really try. But sometimes, just sometimes, we may have to pull a ringer. A T-shirt from a long ago Eagles Concert, a vintage monogrammed sweater tied around our shoulders, red Keds sneakers, overalls with a peace sign sewn on.................it's OK. You don't have to act like you know us! We understand. We all had Mothers too.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Nemours Website for Teens
Today's blog will be short. It is about a great site I found for teens sponsored by the NEMOURS Foundation, which was founded by the Alfred DuPont in 1936 as a medical resource for children. (Click on the highlighted links to be taken straight to the web page and check it out now.)
This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.
While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.
There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.
Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!
This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.
While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.
There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.
Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Through a Father's Eyes
Father's Day. All over America Dads are eagerly anticipating yet another tie, plaster hand print or a power tool they will never use. That's OK. It's the thought that counts and it's the giver that makes any offering special. Just smile and accept your World's Greatest Dad T-shirt eagerly and gracefully. Oh, and do try to wear it at least once before it goes to that shelf in the back of your closet. You know the place. It houses the singing bass plaque and the umpteenth traveling coffee mug that doesn't tip over.
Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.
Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.
Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.
OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?
Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.
Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.
Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.
OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?
Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Friday, June 6, 2008
Mom, What Are You Wearing?!!
Is anyone besides me old enough to remember the Betty Davis movie Mrs. Skiffington? It's about the mother of a teenaged daughter who vies for the attention of her daughter's would-be beaus, failing to realize in her narcissism that she is getting older and it's not about her anymore. What a shock when she finds out she's unwanted and uncool!
That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.
Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.
Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!
Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.
1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.
2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!
3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...
4. Now a list of don'ts:
That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.
Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.
Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!
Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.
1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.
2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!
3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...
4. Now a list of don'ts:
- Don't wear your clothes too small - that will actually make you look larger than you want to look, because it appears that you don't fit into your clothes.
- Don't try to wear clothes that are too young for you. Obvious reasons, some involving the words "laughing stock." Maybe experiment while on vacation around strangers...
- Don't wear styles you love, but that look horrible on you. The style may be wonderful and you may want it to look fantastic on you, but sometimes things just do not look good on our bodies and should not be attempted.
- Don't buy overly into the fads. You want to get the most longevity out of your clothes, but if you have to buy new ones every year because your old ones look really dated after six months, you are wasting money in the long run. Buy one faddish piece just for style, but find a cheaper knock-off of the expensive one.
- Also, don't buy something just because you're desperate. It rarely ever works out and doesn't advance your cause. Save your money, styles change quickly and something will come along.
- Don't wear a uniform, but do have pieces in basic colors you can mix and match. Black, white and khaki are timeless. Which brings me to jeans...
- Don't wear a bad pair of jeans. Bad is anything that looks like you bought it at the Gap in 1992 when you weighed only 105 lbs. Bad makes your gut and butt look larger than life. A great pair of jeans does not have to cost $150, it just has to fit you.
- And finally, don't show too much cleavage, especially around middle school boys. That goes along with not talking about breast feeding your son in front of his friends. Everyone knows moms have boobs, even attractive ones, but they don't necessarily want to think about it. Unless you're J-Lo, save your cleavage for the Saturday night date with your significant other and spare your kids the anxiety.
Socrates said it best, know thyself. If you know your style and what feels good on you, wear it, because you will feel good and look beautiful. Just keep in mind another ancient adage - the times change and we must change with them. Updating your look just a little shows your family you care what they think of you. Your goal is for your kids to not dread the sight of you walking up in front of their friends. Ultimately, the love and care you put into yourself will be reflected back into your family. You still may be a dork at times, but secretly your kids will understand and appreciate how really, really cool you are, no matter what you're wearing!
Monday, June 2, 2008
It Saves Dollars and Makes Sense
Summer is here and the "Care and Feeding" of teenagers changes it's focus. Breakfast before school and dinner at 6:00 is replaced with breakfast before noon and dinner before dark. Additionally, teens have a tendency to want to eat out and eat out often. It has become more the norm in our society than the exception. Dining is hardly even a social activity anymore. How can there be conversation around a meal when someone is eating a taco with one hand and driving with the other? More importantly, how healthy are teens fast food choices?
Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.
Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.
Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.
Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.
Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.
Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil
Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed
Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!
Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.
Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.
Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.
Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.
Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.
Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil
Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed
Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What To Read in the Post Harry Potter World
Summertime means a little more time. Time to kick back and do what we want. Time to read. Yes... read.Reading is basic to being a functioning adult in society. Reading is everywhere, even on the Internet! So, hit the lake, the water park, pool, or ball field during the day. You can still find 10 miutes before falling asleep, and in that 10 minutes, is your time to read at least one book per month. Here is an updated reading list to get the whole family reading:
(click on the title or author and you will be directed, hopefully, to that author's page)
Middle School and Junior High:
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - I gave this to two fourteen-year-old boys I know and they each read, or should I say devoured, all three volumes in only two weeks. If 14-year-olds like it, it must be good. Volume four is out now in hardback, The Labyrinth of Fire, available at Wal Mart, WaldenBooks and Hastings Books and Videos. Good for boys and girls.
Airhead or any of the Meg Cabot novels. Really popular stuff.
Rumors by Anna Godbersen. I want to read this, too.
The Diary of Anne Frank is probably summertime school reading for middle school teens. Why not pair it with The Book Thief by Mark Zusak or How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff. The Book Thief follows a young German teen who loves books Hitler wants to burn and whose family hides a Jewish neighbor at great risk. How I Live Now is about a girl in London and how she lives during a war set slightly in the future.
Senior High:
The Twilight Saga - Stephenie Meyers, a sweet-looking mother and graduate of Brigham Young University, knows how to engage girls with her Austen-eque vampire series. Ostensibly about vampires, the underlying themes of abstinence, family loyalty, doing the right thing, tolerance of others, and by all means young love, make her novels less about vampires and more about the real world and how to get along with the real people in it. I love this series - I would read it again! Waiting for the 4th book to come out.I have to admit, the pickings are slim for guys this age, except in the classic genre. I haven't seen too many guys over 16 reading a book they weren't forced to read in the last four years since The Da Vinci Code was hot. I did have an intelligent young man who liked Chuck Palahniuk (his writings are violent), another one, now an English major, who tried House of Leaves (an odd thriller for the intelligentsia written by the son of former singer Poe), and, of course, several who enjoy graphic novels, like The 300, Batman, or Sin City. But I can't recommend any of those firsthand. Make sure they do their summer reading - I know so many young men who don't do it and have to take a lesser English class.
Dad:
Dads are probably going to want to read the new James Bond novel The Devil May Care by Sebastian Faulks, released under tight security this week.
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Dad would defintitely make it all the way through this one. Just won the Pulitzer. It might make a good Father's Day present for a youngish, snazzy dad who likes to read.
Mom:
Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez. Rodriguez's experience opening a beauty school in Afghanistan. Highly recommended by many who have read it.
Momzillas: It's a Jungle Out There, Baby! This was one of the most hilarious novels I have read since The Devil Wears Prada. Someone should write a sequel for mothers of teens....
Chez Moi by Agnes Desarthe. Short chapters make for easy concentration and starting/stopping points. French woman undoes bad past through cooking. If you like Chocolat or Like Water for Chocolate, this is for you.
It also wouldn't hurt to read or re-read the kids' summer reading novels. I have to admit one of the best finds was re-reading Ethan Frome, a novel I hated when I was in tenth grade. This summer I plan on re-reading my 9th grade nemesis, Great Expectations. Dickens and I went round and round with that one back then, but now I can give him some mad props...or something like that.
Have fun reading and don't worry about how much or what. Just do it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunrise Sunset -Please!!!
I found a great blog site by a young woman named Vanessa VanPatten. Her insight can be helpful to parents and teens alike. She works with both groups to bring them closer. Vanessa writes from a not too far removed teen perspective (She's only 22) and a trained and educated parenting perspective. Her site is http://www.vanessavanpatten.com/
She writes- For parents: "Hang in there. Don't give up" . She wants parents of teens to know that their kids will "come back." Vanessa, too, went through a tumultuous time with her parents, and she remembers the pain of it. When she sees other families in the midst of a painful or dysfunctional period she knows that parents wonder if they will ever get through it...the negativity, the challenges, the bad behavior. Vanessa's not only seen it all, she's experienced it. Now, a young adult, she offers hope to parents and reinforces their efforts to listen and connect.
Another suggestions for parents is to facilitate and support your teen's relationships with other adults. "A good mentor can make a big difference to a teenager and provide adult guidance when a parent is not able to get through." She attributes some of her success to the positive mentors she had in a dance instructor and an older cousin. Think coaches, teachers, or counselors. She also suggests staying connected and communicating with other parents. There is definitely strength in numbers and less "nobody else has such an early curfew!" if all parents are on the same page.
For teenagers: "Strive for balance." If you are overly-stressed because of too many commitments or in response to high expectations, find time to take care of yourself, even if it means giving a little less effort to responsibilities. In reverse, if you are slacking and short changing yourself and your potential, get a grip and get focused. If school has you worried, identify why and find a solution. Tutors, study groups, meeting with teachers, time management...solve the problem, don't stress over it. If you are a big partier, party a little less, and be a little more responsible. If your physical or mental health is an issue, make yourself a priority. Diet, exercise, nutrition, counseling..take control and take charge of your own body. If relationships have got you bugged, change patterns and change your life. Big swings seem to be prevalent in teens lives, and learning to balance is the way to even things out.
My own observation has been that even when kids go through a rocky time, those that have good roots and a strong home life do seem to rebound back and straighten out. Functioning and contributing young adults are very successfully navigating this part of their lives - though their earlier years were rocky and unpredictable. Parents who were tearing their hair out and wringing their hands five years ago are now reaping the benefits of hanging in there and (come heck or high water) loving their headstrong teen unconditionally. Teens do grow up and many do grow out of those stages that seemed so daunting and confusing to their family. Eureka- a loving and contributing human type person miraculously reappears! That flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood returns to the fold. That familiar person you knew and loved stands before you. Behold. Your son or your daughter.
She writes- For parents: "Hang in there. Don't give up" . She wants parents of teens to know that their kids will "come back." Vanessa, too, went through a tumultuous time with her parents, and she remembers the pain of it. When she sees other families in the midst of a painful or dysfunctional period she knows that parents wonder if they will ever get through it...the negativity, the challenges, the bad behavior. Vanessa's not only seen it all, she's experienced it. Now, a young adult, she offers hope to parents and reinforces their efforts to listen and connect.
Another suggestions for parents is to facilitate and support your teen's relationships with other adults. "A good mentor can make a big difference to a teenager and provide adult guidance when a parent is not able to get through." She attributes some of her success to the positive mentors she had in a dance instructor and an older cousin. Think coaches, teachers, or counselors. She also suggests staying connected and communicating with other parents. There is definitely strength in numbers and less "nobody else has such an early curfew!" if all parents are on the same page.
For teenagers: "Strive for balance." If you are overly-stressed because of too many commitments or in response to high expectations, find time to take care of yourself, even if it means giving a little less effort to responsibilities. In reverse, if you are slacking and short changing yourself and your potential, get a grip and get focused. If school has you worried, identify why and find a solution. Tutors, study groups, meeting with teachers, time management...solve the problem, don't stress over it. If you are a big partier, party a little less, and be a little more responsible. If your physical or mental health is an issue, make yourself a priority. Diet, exercise, nutrition, counseling..take control and take charge of your own body. If relationships have got you bugged, change patterns and change your life. Big swings seem to be prevalent in teens lives, and learning to balance is the way to even things out.
My own observation has been that even when kids go through a rocky time, those that have good roots and a strong home life do seem to rebound back and straighten out. Functioning and contributing young adults are very successfully navigating this part of their lives - though their earlier years were rocky and unpredictable. Parents who were tearing their hair out and wringing their hands five years ago are now reaping the benefits of hanging in there and (come heck or high water) loving their headstrong teen unconditionally. Teens do grow up and many do grow out of those stages that seemed so daunting and confusing to their family. Eureka- a loving and contributing human type person miraculously reappears! That flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood returns to the fold. That familiar person you knew and loved stands before you. Behold. Your son or your daughter.
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